Statehouse Thoughts & Headcannons

Utah - Character Introspection

So I know Utah is usually chosen as the character that's gonna be the homophobic piece of shit and that makes sense but I raise you this: internalized homophobia because of a self placed debt

If it's not already clear: TW for internalized homophobia, religion, and brainwashing maybe? It gets close so, putting that one there just in case

DISCLAIMER: these are not my thoughts on the religion as I've only looked into it for a few days and don't know enough to even have an opinion, this is a fictional situation where the character owes his life to the religion and can you honestly expect that to not affect this?

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Utah was founded by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
The Mormon faith is quite literally the only reason he exists.

Unsurprisingly he feels pretty indebted to the religion, in fact he's self obligated to follow  it.
He needs- no, has to be a model Mormon.

He owes it to the church.

If they say something is then it is, and he has to believe that, or at least...
"Believe," that.

After all, no one knows what he thinks if he doesn't say it.
If what he thinks doesn't match the faith then it stays in his head, pushed to the corner and is ignored until it goes away or it doesn't matter anymore.

...

Until recently the Church has been very strongly against LGBTQ+

He,,, had a hard time with that one at a few points.
But this is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, this is the reason he's even alive.

He can't be ungrateful.

So he went along with it, got used to it, let it become his normal.
The sky is blue, water is wet, and the church is always right.

,,,right?

They have to be right.

Yeah.
Yeah, they're right.
Definitely.

Any issues he might have with anything are canceled out by him preaching scriptures and doctrine.

If he doesn't agree then something must be wrong with him, right?

He's the one that's wrong.
If he doesn't match the mold of the perfect person then somethings wrong with him.
Oh, the mold? No the molds fine, the mold has to be fine, it's perfect.

So, he just can't let anyone know about the errors.
If no one knows he's broken then he might as well be fine.

No one will know anything's wrong with him if he makes himself as loud as he can about what's right and wrong, especially if that includes things applying to him.

And so that exactly what he does.

He's loud, stays loud, is loud enough to drown even himself out. If you've had even one conversation with him then he's told you all about everything there is to hear, he's an elder for goddess sake.

Heck, his call is "I wish someone were here to tell me about my lord and savior Jesus Christ"

It's the least he can do to spread information on the beliefs.

But now things are changing, the church is becoming more and more accepting.
Well, maybe not the church, but the people.

There are so many groups being positive towards LGBTQ+ and Mormon leaders are now choosing to just, not talk about it.
They avoid both positive and negative comments, staying away from the subject, successfully leaving it in limbo.

They haven't said anything outright against it but they haven't done anything for it either.

So, what does he do?

What can he do?

If he suddenly spoke positively about gays or lord forbid come out he would be betraying the exact thing he owes his life to. He would be admitting he's broken. That he doesn't fit the mold and never has.

But people are just so much more accepting now and so many Mormons have been protesting for LGBTQ+ rights.

It doesn't matter anyways.

He couldn't just stop out of the blue. That could raise questions, that could lead to people assuming things, the accuracy of those assumptions he avoids thinking about.

So all he can do is continue.

He has to keep being the loudest, or else he might be heard.

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The way I tried so hard to avoid swearing in this because, again, it's Utah