Statehouse Thoughts & Headcannons

Illithiya (a continuation of the last chapter)

It's hard sometimes, his self imposed mission.
He's more conflicted recently, with the protests and independent churches being accepting. Its made him think about things more.

After a few months of thinking it's hard to stay loud enough, and he might be heard soon.

Illithiya is his saving grace.

She's kind, she's smart, she understands.
Maybe even too well.

He hates the fact she's in the same position as him. Technically they were both born into it but he would give everything at the drop of a hat if it meant she could have what she wants.

What she wants.

She would never trade what they had now, the kids or their companionship. She loved them, that much was always made clear.

But it's complicated, what she wants.

It had been a quiet night, dinner was made quickly and went by without a fuss, leading to them laying in bed, trying to fall asleep.

It was clear something had happened that day, be it at work or at the store, something happened and she was upset.
No, upsets not the right word.
Anxious? Stressed? Worried? Sad? Scared?

She asked him how work went, the conversation leading to schedules, events,,, the month.
It was June.

The conversation kept on and one thing led to another and then they were hugging, there were tears.
Illithiya had started crying first and that was enough to make him join her.
Thee were tears of fear turned to comfort, quickly replaced by ones happiness and understanding.

To be honest, they both probably knew for a while, before they'd even started a relationship but it was still left in the corner. A forbidden topic, to be pushed out of mind.

What she wants is complicated but it was special.

See, Illithiya likes women.

Her family who wouldn't have been all that okay with it was most of the reason she stayed closeted. It's practically a woman's job in the faith is to get married and have kids. She had to marry a man. After a certain amount of time things would be suspicious if she didn't.

She's glad it was him.

She may not love him romantically but that's just a brand, a label of love.
Love is still love, no matter what kind, not one type is inherently stronger than any other and Illithiya loves him more than she could even begin to describe.

The only ones she could possibly love more are her babies.

What she wants is for their family to stay together.

And who would he be to keep that wish away from her? After all, their situations are almsot identical.

He makes it clear he still loves her the same anyways, the fact he's never quite loved her romantically either skipped over for the night.
Emotions are already a bit exhausted and he isn't ready to address it anyways.

Not that it matters.
While she's the only one he's ever come close to telling, and though he chickened out every time, she's smart, she knows him better than anyone. There isn't any doubt she knows.

She of all people know how his whole act works, can pick out every little trick in his circus.

She knows he accepts her but can't do the same with himself.
She knows that while he enjoys having something to believe in, likes going to church, he doesn't understand why come things are.
She knows he thinks he's broken but could never bring it up because she also knows that addressing it would make it real and that alone could crush him.

Illithiya just wants the best for him.

He knows that.

They don't need to say it quite yet, talking isn't necessary, they simply lay there in understanding and wait for sleep to take them.

After a some months of thinking it's hard to stay loud enough, and he might be heard soon.

But, would being heard really be such a bad thing?