CAGED ✔

《Chapter 23》

The voice sounded so familiar but I was too exhausted to rack my brain so I turned to the direction of where I'd been called only to see Ma Suzanne.  Immediately I saw her, I lost all my strength. The fence which I had been building around me collapsed and like running water, tears gushed out of my eyes. I tried to stop it but it didn't stop instead it flowed out freely. 

Ma Suzanne drew me into her arms and hugged me tightly.  I wept all my heart content on her shoulder.  I wept and wept. Because I was hungry; because I didn't see Peter; because I was angry and hurt; because  I was tired, I wept!

Ma Suzanne took me inside a shop which had a fat woman in it. I greeted the woman and she returned my greeting before facing the fish she was smoking. 

Even without Ma Suzanne asking, I emptied all that had happened at her feet. I didn't mince words. Ma Suzanne didn't judge me instead she was shocked that I hadn't tasted anything even water since the last morning.  She took me to a nearby canteen immediately and fed me. I ate like a wild animal; rushing the food like it would be taken away from me any minute. Ma Suzanne watched me with great pity in her eyes.  She ordered for my plate to be refilled and so I ate to my satisfaction. 

Ma Suzanne as usual advised me to apologise to grandma immediately I got home. She told me to endure for a little while, that it would be over very soon. She pleaded with me to avoid things that would make grandma angry.  She advised me to be wise.  Furthermore, she told me she was leaving the neighbourhood to join her husband where he worked. This was bad news for me. Finally, she placed a thousand note in my palm.

"Incase things  get bad." She told me.  She then stopped a bike and asked me to mount it. She paid the bike man and waved to me. I was so grateful. I thanked her profusely and continued to wave to her until I lost sight of her.

The bike man stopped me in front of the gate and I thanked him. Musa opened up for me and I walked slowly into the house. I made sure the money Ma Suzanne gave me was intact inside my shoe. Grandma would accuse me of taking the money from a guy if she saw it.

The house was so quiet like a graveyard. It had always been so quiet. I wondered why it never occurred to me how strange this was. While I trekked to school that morning, I heard a noise and shouts from the houses I walked past. There was something to show that people were indeed alive but grandma's house was different. It was cold like ice.

My mother was sitting by the dining sipping a cup of coffee when I walked into the house. She dropped the cup on the table as she made quick steps to where I stood. She tried to hug me but I shifted before she could touch me. I felt the same hatred towards her. She was the prime cause of all my troubles; all my sufferings.  She was busy living a good life with her new family while she left me to suffer. 

My mother's eyes welled up immediately I shifted away from her.
"Beatrice!" Her voice was trembling.

I turned away from her and headed to my room when grandma came out of hers. She looked me up and down and then looked at the wall clock. She clapped her hands then crossed her arms.
"So this is the time you closed, right?" She asked me.

I stared at the clock.  It was 6 pm.
"I said it.  It's that Peter boy.  You two are in a relationship."
"Mama, please." My mother began.
"What? Am I not saying the truth? Just take a look at the time she's coming back from school."

I began to laugh and all eyes fell on me.
"You see! She's laughing at us.  You see it!" Grandma waved her hands towards me.

"It's a wonder how I had lived with you for sixteen good years. I have always blamed myself for coming to this world when I was not needed and then took living with you as my punishment.  But now, I find out that it isn't my fault I was born out of wedlock. It isn't my fault my mother gave birth at seventeen; It isn't my fault at all, instead it's your fault." I pointed to my mother who had tears streaming down her face but I didn't stop.

"It's your fault that you gave birth out of wedlock. Why do I have to pay for your sins? You are entitled to a good life and a family but I am not? You're entitled to love and affection, but I am not right? Who grows up like this?" I turned to my grandmother who had the same look she had when I spoke to her at the dining table the day before.

"Was this how both of you grew up?  In isolation? Without friends?  Did your mother treat you the same way you're treating me? Ehn grandma? Did your mother set a time for you to go and return from school? Did you grow up without having even a single friend?  Was this how you lived? With clothes twice your size? Being confined to a lonely room? Was this how your life was? Tell me, grandma?!" I screamed. 

"What about you, mother? Did you grow up this way too?" I turned to face my mother. She was shuddering and sobbing very hard. She brought her hand to her lip and crunched her chest. I could feel tears forming at the corner of my eyes too.

"If none of you grew up this way, then why should I?  I didn't commit any crime so why should I?  Did I tell you people that I'm  allergic to a good life?" I paused.

"If there is anyone that should be deprived  of  a good life, then it is you both!" 

Grandma's face fell when I said that. She tried to speak but couldn't. This was my first time seeing grandma short of words.

I turned on my heels and ran into my room without sparing my mother a last look. I rammed my table and chair to the door; the same with my bed.

My mother ran to my door, begging me to open up. She pushed my door but it didn't budge. My mother stopped hitting my door and I heard grandma's door bang; she had retired to her room as expected —  not bothered as always.  I sighed wearily as I pulled off my uniform and laid on my bed.