A Letter To You

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Since I've promised a bonus part, here it is. A letter from Remus John Lupin to you <3
This was the letter that he sent to you in Chapter 29 'The Train Ride Home'.

My dearest (y/n),

I find myself writing to you here, in the dark, dusty and gloomy attic of my tumbledown cottage.

Well, because one, I had read your letter. It's been a month since I left Hogwarts. And two, I have been missing you, and Hogwarts lately. Your father had payed me a visit yesterday, he told me how you missed me very much, and that he and your mother forgive me for what I did to you the night before I resigned.

I promised you before that we will see each other soon. But, although I'm no longer your teacher, I want you to know everything.

I couldn't believe the first time I laid my eyes on yours. Your voice, was soft as music, and it was impossible for me to not think of you. During the train ride to Hogwarts, every laugh, every chuckle soothed me.

When the Dementors came in the train, I knew that I needed to do something. After I repelled them, you had just impressed me even though term hadn't started yet. Your intelligence and wit was really impressive, which made me chuckle.

During my tenure as the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts, I expected that nobody would want me to be their teacher. A lonely, sad werewolf, that at first, I thought that didn't deserve the job. But you know, I didn't expect that much praise from the students.

When you first visited my office. I felt overwhelmed, it was quite unusual for a student to visit my office. It was a rare sight to see. And when you told me that you knew my secret, I was scared.

What if you had told the whole school? They would all turn against me, and call me a monster. That was what I was afraid of ever since the day I had set foot to Hogwarts. I thought that I didn't deserve anyone, because of my condition.

But you. You told me that you didn't mind at all.
It reminded me of them; James and Sirius. It was like that I saw them in you. Both caring and always assuring me that I wasn't a monster. It touched me really, due to the fact that it's been 12 years since I have met someone as caring, sweet, and willing to stand by my side like you.

Every visit in my office, every visit in the Hospital Wing, every conversation, every word, every laugh, every advice had made my self-hatred fade bit by bit. Whenever I was being mocked by other students, it seemed that I didn't mind. But deep inside my heart, it felt like a thousand knives stabbing it repeatedly. I tried to react, but I controlled myself.

And who was there to stand up for me? You. It was you. It was you who healed the scars in my heart. And when I transformed into an uncontrollable werewolf, I couldn't remember what happened. And the following day, somebody had 'accidentally' slipped my condition. I knew that parents, well, wouldn't want someone like me as their children's teacher.

When I decided to resign, I knew it was for the school's own sake. Yet, it was painful for me. Because, seeing my former students would be rare occassions, their laughter and smiles will be treasured and missed very much for me. And, seeing their priceless faces, were such memories that I will keep in my heart.

When you visited my office. I knew that you were upset to see me leave. But you know, I was upset too. I was no longer going to see you in the classroom, in the hallways, in my office and all the Hogwarts grounds where we spent time together. But I reassured you, that the time will come, we'll see each other again.

But then all of a sudden, I noticed the thick bandages wrapped around your arm. The first thought that struck my mind was the transformation the previous night. And I concluded, that, I must've hurt you. But although you told me that you were all right. I couldn't help but release all my negative thoughts.

I thought that I was a monster. How could you, even bare seeing people looking at your wounds, thinking that you were like me? That me, the one who caused this, deserved nothing but death. I acted harshly towards you. But as I was about to leave, you said something that had hit me hard.

I thought about it. When I was bitten as a boy, did my parents leave me? Were they ashamed tjat their son was now one of the most dangerous creatures in the Wizarding World? Then, a still small voice had echoed through me, I remembered when I was young, after my transformations I would always rant about how I hated myself. My mother would always say,

Remus, darling. It's alright. No matter what you are, you will always be my son, and I and your father will always love you

Then, I remembered when James, Sirius and Peter found out about my condition when we were in our second year at Hogwarts. I always thought that they would turn against me, but to my surprise, they didn't. And they became animagi for me. Lily, your parents and many others were there for me too.

I realized that I was the luckiest werewolf in the world. All of them, they had nobody. But me, I had loving parents and loyal friends who were there for me all throughout. I regretted being harsh. I am so grateful to you (y/n).

One, because I got to be your teacher, even just for a year.

Two, because you always stood up for me. Whenever other students made harsh comments on me, I had someone to make me smile despite trials and difficulties.

And three, you have constantly reminded me that I was loved, respected and cared for. My whole life I thought that I was incapable of experiencing those things, because ever since I've met you, you've shown me that there were people who cared and loved for me.

You are one of the most sweet, kind, brave, witty,  and compassionate people I have ever met. And I'll forever love you for that. Times nowadays, may be getting dark, but all your advice had helped me all throughout.

You still have more hills to climb, so be patient and continue to strive hard. You will always have a special place in my heart.

With love,
Professor Moony

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