Between the Wars

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"We were able to place her beside her husband after a few months of politics. Still it is such a strange world that she became part of," my grandmother continues, recalling the moments in which my mother's ashes were returned to our family in an urn and she was laid to rest beside the grave of my father. "She was an extraordinary pianist, so much so she wanted to study music theory in university, though we wanted her to do something more versatile, like physics."

The more she talks about my mother, the more a pain goes off in my heart, a hole forming as I begin to realize just how much I wish I had met my own mother. "You have two cousins too. Your aunt was Lily's sister, she lives in Maryland with her husband. She needed to get away after...after everything that happened. Lily's death was the last straw. She packed her bags two weeks later and left for a university up there. Transferred during the summer and come fall, we never saw her unless it was her short stay Christmas." Grandmother's voice gets stuck in the back of her throat, breaking as I can tell she is becoming emotional as she recalls how much her family fell apart. "We never knew what became of you."

"My mom never told you she wanted Quinn and Terrance to care for me?" I ask, wondering why she would do that. To not tell the grandparents that their grandchild would be raised by someone else just seems so strange.

Shaking her head, grandmother pours another cup of coffee for herself as we sit at my kitchen table, looking out upon the snow which has fallen upon the earth. "We just assumed Lily wanted her daughter to no longer have ties to this pack. Oliver told me what happened and you were adopted by your adoptive parents. I lost it. I wanted to pursue legal battles for two years, but I eventually came to peace with the fact that this is what my daughter wished for. One of the last acts she did."

Taking a long sip of her coffee, my grandmother watches as a few pack warriors walk across my backyard. I can tell being here still makes her uneasy, as if reliving a dream or nightmare. I am not sure which one yet.

"But I will not praise my daughter for her decisions. Family belongs with family. For her to go off..." grandmother pauses for a second, trying to hold back her tears, "to go off in search of some vengeance she knew could never be achieved without losing herself in the process, I find that her greatest mistake. She left behind her own daughter, the one thing left in her life which was pure and good, and she threw it away because she missed her husband so much." Shaking her head, she sets down her mug, wiping away a stray tear. "She loved that man, Leala, a strange kind of love I could never really come to accept. But she damn well loved him and he loved her. I doubt many have that type of love in their life for a spouse."

Offering my grandmother a tissue, she accepts, wiping away her tears quickly as she looks up to me. "And here you are, my little grandchild, the last thing I have left of Lily." A smile spreads across her face as tears begin to run down her face and I feel a pinching at my heart. "I pray you do not make the same mistakes my daughter did."

I can tell there is a bitter taste which this pack and my father left in my grandmother's mouth, still uncleaned after all of these years as it has only grown more bitter. The way she looks around at the rooms here, they all pull back memories for her, reminding her of the daughter she lost and how she blames that on my father.

"But I best not bother you much longer. I know I have talked your ears off for the past few hours."

"No, it was nice. Nice to meet a family member. I did not think I had anyone left from my real family," I reply, rising to my feet as my grandmother did as well.

Following my grandmother, the two of us head for the front door just as it opens to reveal Cedric standing there. I can tell he needs me for pack business and that only makes me want to run away and lock myself away in a tower. Cedric offers me a lopsided smile, a dimple appearing on his cheek as he does so, passing me by as he informs me he will be in my office. Nodding, I inform him I will be there soon, focusing back on my grandmother as we head for her car.

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