35 | illusion

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Ally~

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Ally~

"Do you have a minute to spare?" Jake asked.

By now, Jay's probably beginning to arrive and the party might start soon. My legs began shaking at the thought of missing this event... I don't want to not be there when he arrives. I want to be the one that holds up the cake for him once he blows out the candles.

"I'm super busy right now. Maybe next time? I swear, this can't wait..." I tried to leave but be stopped me.

"I love you," he took me into his arms and held me tightly. "I'm so sorry... I shouldn't have ever gotten jealous and doubted you. I trust you more than anyone else, and losing you was my greatest fear. I got ahead of myself and did the worst thing possible. I never meant to leave you, and I regretted it immediately."

"Leave me alone... please." I cried on his chest, because I had no energy left to try and get loose from his embrace.

"Let's get back together. I'll treat you right this time! I won't be so overprotective, and I'll respect your male friends. I won't doubt you anymore!" He placed both my hands onto his palms. "Then once you graduate from law school, let's get married- if that's what you want."

__________________________

Jay~

I kept checking the door every few minutes, waiting for Ally to come through. It's already been like an hour, and she's still not here. I tried to text her and everything, but got not response. I'm starting to get nervous that something bad might have happened to her.

"I'm just gonna go out for a bit." I told my friends, and they all nodded. I first started walking around the café, in case she's just nearby.

I ended up being right.

Except she's with Jake. They're sitting on a bench together, talking and laughing together. He has his arms around her, and he even pecked her cheek. She looked up at him and smiled widely, pulling him in closer for a kiss.

My heart shattered into pieces, and I just stood there in utter despair. I don't even know if I have the right to be angry, as she was never mine. She always wanted him.

What a surprise.

I turned around and began walking back to the café. From outside, I could see how happy everyone is through the glass windows. I'm not in the right mind to be in there right now, and I don't wanna ruin their mood. They all worked so hard to make this day special for me.

It definitely is special. In the most painful way possible.

Lesson learned, this is why I should never assume things. I kept assuming that she would possibly fall in love with me if I tried hard enough, but I ended up just hurting myself.

I've expected two possible outcomes, but it's still a horrible feeling. I can't even get mad at her, because I gave her the option to be happy with him. I'm glad that she's enjoying herself... but what about me?

At 21, was when I realized that the hardest things to say were "I'm sorry" and "I love you".

I'm so sorry it took me so long to realize I love you.

Maybe if I've known myself sooner, I would have been the one that made you happy... not him.

Maybe I'd be the one holding you close, making you laugh and smile.

All these "maybes" and "what ifs", but all just ended up becoming harmful illusions. It's insane how Ally's the first girl to ever make me cry... and this much.

"What are you doing out here, birthday boy?" I suddenly heard a familiar feminine voice, so I quickly wiped my tears away.

"Ally..." I faked a smile and stood up to just hug her.

This might be the last.

"Why are you crying?" Her eyes were big and round, filled with concern. "Who made you cry?"

You.

"Can you pick today? Between the two cards." I suggested and she suddenly shivered.

"I'll do it a different day! Today, let's just celebrate-"

"Celebrate what? Please don't lead me on any longer... it hurts so damn much, Ally. Just be truthful and honest with me." I gritted my teeth to stop myself from bursting into even more tears.

"I'm so sorry," she handed me the red card. "I'm still in love with him."

__________________________

⭐️

Song: Justin Bieber — That Should Be Me (Acoustic Ver.)

(LYRICS: that should be me holding your hand, that should be me making you laugh 💔)

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