What They Don't Know

Alive

Tessa's POV:

I faintly hear a beeping noise as I start to come to. I don't understand what is happening. Last I remember was..... oh god. I was in the bath tub and I took my razor blade. I had cut myself. There was blood, loud noises and then darkness. Now I'm hearing beeping and I feel tired. I feel pain on both my arms. Ohh no I'm alive. I didn't die. I didn't succeed. I failed. Again.
I'm feeling confused. Scared. I wanted to die but now I just don't know. I feel like a failure in so many ways. I wait a few more moments before I decide I should force my eyes open.

I open my eyes and I see Leo holding my hand on my right side. His head is on the hospital bed I'm laying in. He looks extremely uncomfortable. Only he is in the room. I feel a little relieved. If all my brothers were in the room at this moment I would definitely feel overwhelmed.
I feel tears fall down my face and realize I'm crying. I've let Leo down yet again. I notice he starts to stir and he lifts his head. Brushing his hand down his face. He looks exhausted. He looks my way and realizes I'm awake.

Leo: "Tessa. Oh thank god. You're awake!"

Tessa: "I'm sorry Leo" I look down at my hands like they are the most fascinating things to look at in this moment.
The tears continuously pouring down my face.
He brings his hands up and softly brushes them away.

Leo: "no Tessa. Don't be sorry right now bambina. It's okay. Everything will be okay. I promise I'm here for you."

He moves closer to me and I wrap my arms around his torso and w another just sit there while he holds me.
After a few minutes he lets go of me and sits back down while still holding my hand.

Leo: "Tessa, you are my world. You're all of ours. You are the one person who can make me laugh and smile in any situation. I love you so much bambina. Everything I do, I do for you. I can't live in a world without you Tessa. You're not a burden. You have never been a burden. I've never regretted a single moment spent with you. My only regret is that I couldn't get custody over you sooner. Tessa please don't ever feel like we don't want you or that we would be better off because we wouldn't be. We need you in our lives Tessa. I need you!"

I'm confused about how to feel. Is he saying this because I'm in a hospital be done does he actually love me.

Leo: "of course it's because I love you Tessa!"

Damnit. I said my thoughts out loud again.

Tessa: "I'm sorry Leo. I didn't know what else to do. Everything has been going so horribly wrong. And I feel like it's all my fault. I didn't know what else to do."

Leo: "I understand it felt like the only way out for Tesoro. But it isn't. I will always be there for you. I know you've been through a lot but I also know that you are the strongest and bravest girl I have ever met. You have fought through so much trauma Tessa. You can't give up know. I know about the bullying and I know how much you must've been hurting when you saw Jaxon walking out with Candy. Trust me when I saw it'll all be taken care of. But you Tessa are not a burden. Why didn't you come to me or Cole, lijah or Jax?"

Tessa: "I was afraid to. I'm sorry Leo. I just thought it would be easier if I wasn't around for you guys. I've been so scared and sad lately. I just didn't want to give you another reason to worry about me and you've been so stressed. I didn't want to make it worse for you."

Leo: "sweetheart. It's my job to worry about you and you're brothers. I will always worry about you. It comes with being a big brother. But you could never stress me out Tess."

Tessa: "I wanted to die Leo. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to die though. I really don't. I don't want to leave you guys. I'm so sorry I did this Leo. I'm so confused and scared. I don't know what to do or feel anymore."