Stay With Me

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When it was time to leave, the girls were all but clinging to our legs and crying that we couldn't leave. Thea, who still insisted she didn't she didn't like kids all that much, despite spending almost every free moment with my nieces, bent down and wrapped all three girls in a giant hug and promised we would visit them all the time. Thea assured the girls she would make me drive her to see them—I didn't even have to stay, they could just hang out with her. The girls seemed excited about that.

"Hey, I though I was your favorite aunt?" I asked.

"You were," Maddie said.

"Thea is our favorite now!" Alexis chirped.

"Wow. Tossed aside that easily," I joked and bent down to hug them. "I'm just kidding. I would pick Thea over me any day." I winked at them.

"Are you going to marry Aunt Thea?" Maddie asked when Thea stood to hug my parents. I stole a glance at Thea.

"I hope so. Do you think she'll say yes if I asked her?"

Maddie nodded vigorously. "She told me she would say yes if you asked!"

I smiled at Maddie's little scheme. "Well then, when the time is right, I'm going to need your help when I ask her."

Maddie nodded, determined.

I said goodbye to my family, and after a small spat in which Thea still won the front seat, we made the trek home. Luca fell asleep in the backseat almost immediately. I reach over and wove my fingers through Thea's and lifted her hand to my mouth, planting a kiss against her soft skin.

"Did you have fun?" I asked.

"I did. Thank you for bringing me home with you. I haven't had a Christmas like that since. . ."

I kissed her hand again. "Everyone loves you, you know? They're asking when we're having the wedding."

"I think I'd prefer a winter wedding."

"Oh?"

"Yes, with snow."

"Maybe we can recreate our first kiss," I teased. Thea grinned, her eyes crinkling around the edges. That was something I grew to love about her smiles: they always reached her eyes. Her eyes could never lie to me.

"You know, I've also figured out your tell."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Your eyes. The truth is always in your eyes."

We drove in silence for much of the drive, listening to music. When we reached the city limits, Thea spoke again.

"I'm going to miss sleeping with you every night."

"Me too. I love holding you."

"It's funny because I've never been affectionate; my love language has never been physical touch, but with you. . ." Thea shrugged. "I need it. The thought of sleeping alone. . ."

"Then don't."

Thea looked at me questioningly. "Don't?"

"I only live ten minutes away. I'll come over any night you want and I'll leave in the morning."

Thea shook her head. "You don't have to do that."

"I know. But I also don't want to sleep alone."

Thea watched me with a measured study. "Luca is going to hate us."

"Luca is my best friend and I was already at your apartment every day anyway."

Thea chewed her lip in thought. "You're not going to get sick of me?"

That small glimpse of insecurity, so uncharacteristic of the Thea that the world saw, reared it's head and while I was touched that she allowed me to see this part of her, that she allowed herself to be vulnerable with me, I never wanted her to feel such a thing about us.

"I could never get sick of you."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do."

Thea dropped my hand and shook her head. "Louise, we've been together for—what—ten days? We're still in the honeymoon phase. You don't know what you'll think or feel about me in a month, a year."

I was pulling into her apartment complex as Thea began spewing her fears and worries. Perhaps the spell of the holidays was broken and as we returned to reality, to living apart, to our jobs, to our lives—reality—the worries and fear Thea perhaps had been keeping at bay flooding through her.

A small part of me panicked.

What is she regretted everything? Regretted kissing me, making love, saying I love you?

I swallowed down my fear and parked the car. "Let's unload everything then go for a walk."

The worry was palpable in Thea's eyes.

Luca was none the wiser when we unloaded. When we said we were going to go for a walk, he said have fun and took a shower. Thea and I pulled on our coats and stepped out into the snow. Our hands were stuffed into our pockets. Thea looked at the ground, her jaw set.

"Do you regret this?" I asked her.

"No," Thea said so quickly and confidently that I believed it to be true, even if she wouldn't look at me.

"Are you . . . worried what people will think being with a woman?"

Thea looked at me. "No. I don't care what people think."

I chewed my bottom lip, peeling back layers of skin as I thought and I worried. I didn't know where all of this was coming from. Thea allowed me to see all of her, including this insecurity, but she was always so confident, so sure of herself. I didn't understand what had happened between us laying in bed together, confessing our love for one another and talking about marriage, to Thea suddenly pushing me away.

"Is everything okay?" I asked. "Did I do something to upset you?"

Thea sighed. "No, nothing."

"I don't understand."

When Thea looked back up at me, there were tears brimming her eyes and it felt like a steak had been driven through my heart. I'd never seen her cry, never even seen her on the verge of tears, in the three years I'd known her. I wanted to reach out to her and wipe the tears away. I wanted to take away everything that made her hurt and fear.

Instead I stood helplessly by her side.

"I just . . . Maybe we did move to too fast."

I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach.

"Okay . . . We can slow things down. Whatever you need. Whatever you want."

Thea bit down on her bottom lip. I felt like she wanted to say something but wasn't sure how. We walked in silence, my heart beating so fast in my chest I thought I wouldn't be able to breathe. Thea struggled to find words. I struggled to understand.

"If you need space, I can . . . I can give that to you. Whatever you need." Even as I said these words I felt my heart breaking. My mind tried to play catch up, to wonder what happened on the car ride that made Thea suddenly question every single thing that had happened to us in the last ten days.

The only word that came to mind was regret. She must have regretted everything and only when we returned to our lives and the holidays were winding down and that haze of happy, warm feelings faded that Thea realized she made a mistake. A mistake. Was that all I was?

"I think that's . . . A good idea. Space. Yeah, I think maybe we should."

"Right, yeah."

Silently, we turned back to Thea's apartment. I was carefully not to walk too closely to her, to give her space. She didn't look at me. She walked with her head down and I saw tears fall from her cheeks every few steps. I felt tears prickling my own eyes while my brain worked furiously to work out what the hell happened. What had I done?

I walked Thea all the way up to her door. I wish I could kiss her again. One last time. I didn't know what would happen or where we were going, but the thought of not being able to kiss her physically hurt me.

"Okay, bye." I said and turned on my heels, hurrying down the stairs. I held my tears back as best I could and I had to turn my back on her or risk her seeing me cry and she obviously had enough to deal with as is without having to worry about my feelings.

"Louise," I heard Thea weakly call, but I didn't turn around. I couldn't. I couldn't face her.

I drove home, tears blurring my vision, and I wondered what happened. How could we have gone from joking about a wedding to her . . . What? Breaking up with me? I introduced her to my family, we made love, she said she wanted to marry me!

Did she really regret all of that? And so quickly? Was I just a game?

I had a text from Luca when I got home, but I ignored it. I ignored everything and crawled into bed at five at night and tried to sleep.

* * *

A/N: Thank you for reading, voting, and commenting!

So... I guess we have some conflict now. Truly, I had no idea this was going to happen when I started the chapter; it just kind of happened. I'm sorry if that bums you out, but I promise there will be a happy ending.

Best wishes everyone

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