Resign

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I stared at Jack sa malayo. I can't help but to smile behind my mask. He was staring at his phone habang nakaupo na sa usual spot namin sa bar na iyon. We always seem to hang out to this place. Ito lang kasi ang available sa ngayon dahil sa pandemic. He was wearing a black shirt and shorts. I walked towards him.

"Jack!" I called him and gave him a smile kahit na alam ko hindi naman niya iyon nakikita. He was not wearing his mask on kaya nakikita ko ang expression niya. He was staring straight into my eyes. He was not smiling. Para bang he's testing my mood. I thought he would eventually smile at me like he always greet me but instead he asked.

"You good?" He said it like I was really falling apart right now. He knows, I know it. I feel like he knows me inside out. Kahit na hindi ko sabihin sa kaniya kung ano ang nararamdaman ko. He would always guess it right. "What is it?"

"You know I can't tell you when I'm sober," I said. Umupo ako sa tabi niya. He still kept on gazing at me. "Ano?"

Umiling lang siya at kinawayan ang waiter. The waiter gave us a small smile. I think the waiter recognizes us kasi nga palagi kaming nandito. I looked at Jack. He's cute. Funny, but my first impression about him was that he's gay. He is kinda chubby like me with a beer belly. Hindi naman siya ganito a year ago. He likes to jog, but then pandemic happened. He smiles kindly though at anyone. Whenever he smiles nawawala ang nga mata niya. He has this mono-lid eyes. The kindest eyes, I've ever seen in my whole life.

"Nachos and fries? Gusto mo?" tanong sa akin ni Jack.

"Kahit na ano na lang," sabi ko sa kaniya. I am more interested in drinking right now. "But instead of stallion let's go with red horse na liter."

"Okay, yun na lang sa amin. One bottle then nachos and fries," sabi nito sa waiter. Agad naman na tumango ang waiter pagkatapos ilista ang order namin. I caught him staring at me again.

"Ano na naman?" I said, trying to laugh that he looked so concern, but he remains serious.

"I swear, if you will kill yourself. I would find you in hell and kill you again," pagbabanta niya sa akin. I stared at him and smiled. Kinuha ko ang mask ko at nilagay sa purse ko. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Gago, hindi ah. You know I can't do that. Ang nega nito," sabi ko sa kaniya. "Smile ka na. I will tell you everything, okay?"

I pinched both sides of his face and stretched it to force a smile on him.

"Mabuti ng nagkakaliwanagan. By the way, what are you wearing right now?" tanong niya sa akin. I am wearing a black turtle neck shirt and a white shorts and a black sandal. Nothing unusual. Hindi naman ganoon kaikli ang shorts ko.

"Oh! Oh! Ayoko sa lahat pinapakialaman ang damit ko," sabi ko sa kaniya. Inabot niya sa akin ang jacket niya.

"Cover up," he said. I stared at him in disbelief. He wants me to cover up? I am wearing a long sleeve turtle neck shirt at isa pa if he will only look around this is not the sexiest outfit here.

"Ayoko!" I stubbornly said.

"Aalis na ako," sabi niya sabay tayo.

"Ei, heto naman hindi na mabiro. I'll cover it up na po," I said as I put his jacket into my lap. Umupo siya ulit. There were only two people who said I should cover it up. I internally shook my head. I shouldn't be thinking about him when Jack is with me. This is becoming unhealthy.

Back to Jack, this is one of the things I love about him. He sometimes acts as a big brother to me. He sometimes acts as a father. Then sometimes he acts like my boyfriend, but we are just friends. I don't feel anything towards him, but gratefulness and appreciation. Sabi ko nga sa kaniya, I could give him whatever he ask me since he's been a very loyal friend. He respect and doesn't judge me. I appreciate those people who's honest and loyal to me. He also accepts me for who I am but sometimes it feels weird you know to be treated this special by someone. He lives two hours away from here. One text from me saying that I need him. Wala siyang pag-aalinlangan na pumunta dito. He has work tonight pero umabsent siya for me. Isn't that so sweet? Kaya nga the things I could give to this guy for being here with me but this isn't weird naman, right? He's too good to me. I know I shouldn't think anything wrong, but sometimes I wonder if he feels something towards me because if this is me, I wouldn't come all the way here just to drink with a friend. I'm thankful still that he is inviting and including me wherever he go.

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