Work in Progress

Chapter 40: The Dark Year Part One

A/N:

WARNING: Mentions of drugs, sex, and violence. Proceed with caution or skip if this might be triggering.

*cue MTRCB warning in tagalog*

This and the next part was supposed to be just one chapter but I decided to separate them for those who need to skip this one.

FOR THOSE SKIPPING: Eli and Sam will talk about what happened during Eli's stay at the hospital and the year after she was discharged.

*SAM'S POV*

We were back home now. We dropped off Eli first and I insisted on staying with her. I wanted to talk about what happened on the drive home.

"Eli," I started once we were settled on the couch.

She spoke first before I could continue. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this sooner. As my future girlfriend you more than deserve that. We've just been so happy these past few months and I didn't want to ruin that with my past." She scratches her neck the way she always does when she feels awkward.

I sigh. "I get it. It's hard for you to talk about that year."

"It's not just that. I'm afraid of who I was, that part of me, of who I'd become. I was destructive not just to myself but to others as well. And I hurt people... sure people who deserved it but... it's all the same."

I stay quiet for a moment, thinking about this revelation. Eli continues, "That time at the convenience store... when the robber came... I immediately felt something inside me click. As if my body remembered what it was like being with people like him. I was only able to stay grounded because Leo was there. If he wasn't, I might have done something more reckless. The same thing happened with Brendan at the party. If you didn't stop me I don't know what I would've done."

I look at Eli more worriedly this time. "What exactly happened, Eli?" I knew I had to know for both of our sakes if we were going to be in a relationship. And I know Eli knew that as well. It's not like what she would tell me would be a deal breaker or anything. I just needed to know so I would know what to do if ever something— god forbids— happens.

"You already know I was at the hospital for a year. The first four months I was in a coma but I was still aware of my surroundings. At the time, I didn't know I was aware until my aunt told me about the people who visited and how they would talk to me and tell stories about my family. Some of them I remember dreaming about. So when I woke up and found out that the other things they talked about in my dream were real, I got angry. They were gossiping shit about me and talking about my future and how sad it would be. I just got angry about that and about my family. What's worse was that I knew they were right and I couldn't do anything about it since I was paralyzed. Two more months of people going in and out as they pleased talking about whatever they wanted and I couldn't say anything. Anyways, I was in constant pain and I was stuck in a cycle of anger and self-pity. When I started physical therapy, I did it for my aunt's sake but I was already resigned to being the person they thought I would be.

When I got discharged, I lived with my aunt but was basically on my own. My aunt was busy with work and she was still grieving as well. I reminded her a lot of my mom so she barely looked at me. I felt invisible. One time, I was just wandering around and stumbled into an abandoned building. I went inside mindlessly and there was this group of people just hanging out drinking and smoking weed. It was alright at first. They were actually decent people, most of them at least, despite the vices. And they welcomed me with no questions asked. Vanessa was one of them, my drug dealer. She was sort of the mother of the pack and took care of everyone.