imprisonment

Chapter 19; H

Hermione woke up from the vision Draco put inside of her mind. She couldn't register what had just happened.

She gasped for air, it seemed like there was none left.

She choked out sobs, leaning over the side of the bed. It was all too much. The room was spinning around her and she felt like she was going to pass out.

Her stomach churned causing her to run to the toilet, throwing up. She had never felt more disgusted in her whole life. She clutched the rim while she relieved herself. She could barely see through the tears.

"I can't, I can't—" she cried out over and over.

She felt violated in a sense she had never felt before. Her mind was invaded by him, manipulated at his own will. It was no longer her own. Everything she had experienced in the library was articulated by him, even her parents.

She tried to pull her hair back and force herself to breathe but it felt impossible. Everything they talked about and did in her dreams rushed back to her. Except they weren't dreams, but instead legilimancy.

He took advantage of her. If she knew it was actually him she would have never given in under his touch. The only reason she did was because she thought it wasn't real. She thought it was all in her head, that it was just a simple fantasy her unconscious came up with.

She was mortified that she had revealed secrets to him, but even more at the fact that she kissed him.

The kind, normal Draco that she saw in the visions, the one that was so easy to talk to that it felt like home, was gone. It was a lie in a sick game of his. She wanted to scrub herself clean of him. She wanted to purge her mind of all the parts of it he had seen.

He was just as malicious and heartless as he had always been. Nothing had changed. He was just being tolerable in the dreams in order to get something from her. He was sick and demented inside with no room for redemption—if he had even wanted it.

Her thoughts were interrupted by hearing glass shattering and Draco cursing. She jumped up and ran to the vent.

"What are you doing," she asked him fearfully.

She had no idea what he was doing or what he had planned. She was filled to the brim with hatred for him, but she couldn't let him go off the rails. She needed him.

"Don't worry about it. You don't need to worry about me," he said in a harsh voice.

She wondered if she should leave it alone or not. She could barely handle herself. She was breaking. After thinking about it she decided to. He was not allowed to be hurt after what he did to her.

The silence was loud.

She had no idea that he was a legilimens. It was a craft that required a very strong and powerful wizard that was gifted with an affinity for it. She wondered how long he was able to practice. There were so many questions that arose.

Was he able to practice during their years at Hogwarts? If so, how did he not know all their secrets? Was he skilled enough to feel emotions and thoughts? He must have been if he was able to put visions in her mind and see her memories.

Once again she was ten steps behind in figuring out who Draco Malfoy was.

She tried to put all the pieces together, but it was like trying to put a puzzle together without being able to see the full picture. If only it was as easy to talk to him in real life as it was in a library.

She wished it was real. It felt nice to have someone to talk to and have a place to go where she could forget about the war. She longed to be in the courtyard laying in the flowers, but the memories were ruined by him. The beauty was destroyed.

She felt numb. The one place she could escape to was artificial and controlled by the person she hated most in the world. She was never free in the first place but instead controlled by him.

It felt like she stared at the ceiling for hours. She wanted to throw her whole plan out. She didn't want to make Draco fall for her. She didn't want to be nice to him even if that meant spending the rest of her life in Azkaban. She was exhausted.

"Granger," he said through the cursed vent.

She could hear the pain in his voice because of what she said to him, but she didn't care. She lied there and tuned it all out. His feelings didn't matter to her.

She didn't want to hear what he had to say so she just sat there in silence, hoping he wouldn't say anything else. That was not the case.

"I know I'm a shitty person, but let me explain."

He was trying to play the victim.

She stayed silent, he didn't deserve her to let him explain himself.

"You're taking it the wrong way, I didn't make you do anything you didn't want to do in there."

Gaslighting.

She didn't know what he wanted from her: if it was sexual gratification or just someone to use. He was so fucked in the head that he just wanted someone to be there for him. He wanted someone he could unload all his trauma onto. He had never had anyone in his life tell him he could be better. He was grasping at straws to keep her.

She knew it was her plan all along to make him like this. She had wanted him to break. She wanted him to need her, to spill all his secrets to her. She had wanted him to open his walls to her, but she hadn't realized the cost of it all. She didn't anticipate the mental strain it would have on her.

He must have been obsessive to want to create a whole world just so he could have her. He wanted to play pretend and have her as his puppet. He was delusional and psychotic. The isolation took a toll on him. He was starting to depend on her being there for him in the "dreams."

He was doing everything she had wanted him to do. From the beginning, she had planned for him to need her. That was the purpose of everything she had done. She was betting on the seclusion to get inside his mind and trick him into falling for her.

She hadn't expected it to happen like this. Her plan was in motion and she felt like it was her own fault that he went as far as to use legilimancy on her. He had done it in order to plant seeds in her mind of desire.

It worked on her too.

When she was there with him she felt things she hadn't felt in a while and it was terrifying.

Being in Azkaban was starting to wear her down too. She was becoming dependent on the voice from the other side of the wall. It was months since she had contact with anyone else and she had started to need him to survive.

She hated herself for it. She despised the part of her that wanted to kiss him and forget about all the vile things he had done.

A/N

Please don't romanticize either of their actions.

The next update will be on Dec. 31st.