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My first date with Gray when I was fifteen was a picnic. I remember him telling me after I'd said yes how hard he found it to ask me out on a date. When I asked him why, he told me it felt like he was balancing on a beam and didn't want to fall, yet he knew he wanted to tread off into the realm of something more as friends. I reminded him that it was he who kissed me first the week before. He just chuckled and said it was still hard to ask. Our first date was him taking me to Southampton Common and having a picnic under one of the trees in the biggest field. His mum had packed it for us, with a massive smile on her face and singing how it was finally happening. She even packed a bottle of cider for us to share and he bought me a bouquet of lilies from the florist.

The date was after our first kiss, but before I realised that I was in love with him. It was weird because it felt like it was just a normal day: we'd been out together so many times, done so much together as best friends that it felt like a normal day out for us, just with the addition that he'd officially asked me out on a date.

I've only ever been on two first dates before: one with Gray, and one with Tyler. Both dates were very different, yet both led to the same result—a relationship. I have no concept of what a bad date is, and often when Freya would tell me about her bad dates, I would just be smug that I've only ever had two that ended well. Neither date made me nervous back then, but now it's Friday night and I'm getting ready for my 'second first date' as Gray calls it. I stare in the mirror at the green dress I picked out and feel utterly ridiculous: a twenty-five-year-old soon-to-be divorcee going on a date with her childhood best friend-slash-ex-boyfriend, and my stomach is doing flips as if I was fifteen again.

The reality is, we've both been out for dinner together so many times since he came back, but now we've shoved a label on it, it makes me shiver with fright. I stare at my phone once more and see no reply to the message I sent Freya four hours ago. She's left me on read every time I've messaged her since she was over after I told her I was pregnant. I assume she's busy, but whatever.

I stare at my empty ring finger: I'd taken the rings off the other day after telling myself that this is it: my marriage is over. But I can't stop feeling a pang in my chest. As I stare at myself again, the tiny, teeny bump that's beginning to appear makes me feel sick. Something about all of this is making me doubt myself. That line that disappeared when we kissed last week is making a reappearance.

I pop my head around his bedroom door once I'm back in my pyjamas.

"You're about to tell me that it's too soon and you'd rather sit on the sofa and watch TV, right?" Gray says before I've even opened my mouth.

"How did you know?" I ask.

"Because I was about to say the same thing. Well, suggest it... whatever. It's been what, four weeks since you split up, Tabs. We were both... I told you we shouldn't rush this," he says.

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