my cousin's best friend

chapter nineteen

I took in the darkness of our house, glancing at all the shadows cascading through the windows.

After standing in the doorway for a few seconds, I slowly walked over to my room.

It seemed so quiet and peaceful, compared to the joyess sounds from the Smith's household.

I flicked on my light and began to unpack my luggage. A noticed a small folded piece of paper resting on the very top, an envelope underneath it.

I picked up the note gently unfolding the creases. I read it in the silence of my room.

Cam, I know that you're frustrated with how things ended with Tommy, but Niki took some photos of you with him. I thought that you would like to have them anyway. I can't wait to hear from you again!!

Your Cousin, Toby <3

I smiled and opened the letter, a small pile of photos gently falling out into my lap.

The first photo was of Tommy and me when we met the fans on our way to the ocean.

Everyone's face in the photo seemed so happy, like there was not a care in the world. And I wish that it was still like that.

The next photo was of Toby, Tommy, and I playing games at the arcade. I had won the game, leaving both Tommy and Toby in the dust.

The final photo was of Tommy and I sleeping together on the couch. His arms wrapped around my waist, both of us fast asleep.

All of the photos made my heart ache, but I couldn't figure out if I wanted to frame all the photos or burn them because they hurt so much.

I didn't want to ruin them because they were such memories that I would never be able to restore. They meant so much to me that if I ruined them, I would never forgive myself.

I placed them up on one of my shelves, leaning up against a book, so I would be able to look at them whenever I needed to remind myself what happiness looked like.

I placed the photo of me and Tommy inside of my phone's case, wanting to see this photo whenever I missed the boy I loved, but would never have in my grasp again.

Once I finished putting everything away, I slipped on my shoes and a fall jacket, walking outside into the crisp fall air brushing up against my hair.

I was in need of the outdoors to calm my feeling of unsteadyness that was growing inside of my chest.

The glowing sun warmed up my face as I briskly walked along the sidewalk. I put my headphones in listening to the lyrics of the first song that played.

A broken heart is all that's left
I'm still fixing all the cracks
Lost a couple of pieces when
I carried it, carried it, carried it home
I'm afraid of all I am
My mind feels like a foreign land
Silence ringing inside my head
Please, carry me, carry me, carry me home

I sat down underneath my usual tree, opening the journal that was filled with so many restless nights.

I watched as all the people, despite the raging virus that was in the US, many people were enjoying the beautiful weather.

I've spent all of the love I saved
We were always a losing game
Small-town boy in a big arcade
I got addicted to a losing game

To be honest, even though I told myself that I had to get over Tommy, I was still addicted to the boy.

The way his blue eyes sparkled in the sunlight. Or whenever he would awkwardly stand, towering over anyone or anything.

God, this boy was engraved in my mind. He would never leave as much as I wanted him to.

But, he couldn't stay there forever. I needed to bury my love for him. Although it would hurt for the moment, later on I would be able to heal and move on.

I stood up and decided to head home after an hour, but only because the sun had begun to set.

The pastel pinks, purples, and blues lit up the sky casting shadows throughout the trees.

Once I got home, I headed straight up into my bedroom, hoping that I would be able to sleep after my long week.

Word Count~ 731