Losing Game/// James Potter

Chapter 12

Elsie ran. She ran away from the common room and right into the empty Marauders dorm. She couldn't handle the wondering stares from her friends, she couldn't handle not knowing what just happened, but most of all, Elsie couldn't handle the fact that James Potter had just kissed her.

As she walked into the room, she found herself drawn towards James' old bed. And, that's when everything set in for her. That kiss meant nothing to him, or at least not anything like it meant to her. James kissed Elsie out of frustration and the need to feel something other than pain, not out of love.

Just as James had done before, Elsie was now having her own breakdown. Why can't I ever just be enough for him? Why doesn't he see me the way I see him?

Even though it was just a kiss, nothing had ever felt so right for Elsie. Now, she just found herself craving more of the boy she barely has had a taste of. This made her even more frustrated, knowing that she would never get that. Because James loves Lily, and I love him. And he would never love me in the way I love him.

She felt a tear run down her cheek as she thought deeper into what seemed like such a simple kiss, but to her was the whole universe exploding. Elsie sat down on his bed, facing away from the door. She began to fiddle with the hem of her jeans, anxiously trying to shake away all bad thoughts and hold herself together. As she was doing so, she felt something in her pocket. When she placed her hand in it to see what it was, the picture Remus had taken of her and James cuddling had been revealed. Elsie remembered seeing it on the floor this morning and put it in her pocket so she could remember to put it somewhere safe, but now she just stared at it.

That's when she lost it. She began letting out all the pent up anger in her body by means of her tears, and once they started, they wouldn't stop. Elsie found herself uncontrollably sobbing as negative thoughts from her self-conscience filled her head. He will never love you, I don't even know why you bother trying. You don't deserve his love. Lily is everything to him, and you... you're nothing to him.

She hadn't planned on having to hold back her emotions, until she felt someone's presence in the room. Elsie wiped her tears, as that someone made themselves known.

"You should tell him you know," a familiar voice said from behind her, "I know you love him."

Her eyes went wide at the confession made by the boy behind her. He couldn't know. This could ruin everything. How?

Without turning around, she replied in the firmest voice she could muster up, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Elsie, I know you. And, I see how you act with him. You can't fool me," he started saying in a convincing tone, "Don't think I haven't noticed."

Her strong voice started cracking as she spoke, "I-I... n-no I don't-,"

"Then how come your face dropped when he put his arm around Lily instead of you on the Hogwarts Express? O-or, how come you were blushing bright red when his hands were all over you while dancing at the first party of the year?" He began spitting out, cutting her off while doing so, "Or better yet, why does it look like the world is ending whenever he calls you his friend? Elsie don't lie to me, I've been watching the two of you these past few weeks. I've noticed everything, Els."

"Y-you've noticed?" She softly replied, still refusing to face him.

"Everything, Elsie.  You're one of my best friends, how could I not? You're in love with him, so why won't you tell him?" He responded in a genuine tone, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Remus," she began, finally turning around to face her friend," You know I can't do that. He's my best friend, and h-he's in love with his perfect Lily-flower." Elsie sighed, not being able to control her tears any longer.