A conscious state

Outer body

I am unsatisfied with my capacity to live outside myself. I live in my head , in my skin , in the confines of these layers that I find myself divided in between. Perhaps this is the reason for my sadness , perhaps this perception that I've come to know , this state of conscience understanding that has seemed to grow has left me oblivious to these threads that I have sowed.

I love girls I could never have , these girls who choose me secondly to the feminine gems inside their heads. I am no fool , I know that I could never be what you are but I am not naive to the magnificence that I am , to the magic you could only wish to be. I have been searching for a connection , a new route to take in order for me to break out of this broken mirror I've come to manifest.

I have this cup of love , this flask which overflows and yet here I waste it on unworthy seeds , on people whose true intentions I ignore but already know. I've grown impatient but I will wait. I will wait for the half of my divided heart to show up and glue my puzzle pieces back together part by part. The clock on the wall is ticking , the time set on my heart feels as if it is running out.

But I will wait , I will wait because it seems as though I am on the correct side of fate.  My mind is trapped , confined by this obnoxious insecurity which I absolutely distaste. I want to be out of me , I want to stop living in this skin that feels so tight. And maybe one day I will , when my princess charming comes along to caress my waters until it lays flowing still. Maybe one day , perhaps when the time is right.

                        -Liyah Smith