Not too big (Asanoya)

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Pairing; Asanoya
Caregiver Nishinoya Yū, Regressor Asahi Azumane

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'I'm too big for this'

Those were the words constantly rushing through Asahi's mind lately. He hated it. While he was a gentle soul and one who often found himself shy, vulnerable , meek. His body didn't reflect that. He stood at a little over six feet tall and knew he was seen as intimidating by his peers , but anyone who really knew Asahi knew that he was one of the kindest and most sensitive teenage boys you could ever meet. He enjoyed delicate things , simple things , like old teddy bears he hadn't had the heart to give away, big blankets that made him feel safe and warm. Things that many would consider quite infantile for someone of his stature.

Describing these interests of his were embarrassing as well, even if he was at a therapy session to help deal with his anxiety. His therapist had asked the question of what were things that put him in his happy place. And immediately Asahi's mind went to his old teddy bear he had sitting in his bed at home, making his face flush red as he explained it, and how that was one of his comforts , one of the only things that would help calm him if he were ever having an anxiety attack. This discussion lasted some time , the final question he was asked
" Do you happen to know what mental age regression is ?"

When it was described to him, Asahi knew the exact feeling, without even realizing it, he had regressed before , when finding himself in distress his mind would subconsciously take him to a place in which he felt safe and away from the world. Even after he left the appointment to go home , it wouldn't leave his mind, the idea of him fully regressing and being aware of what it was and what was happening to his body. But as he arrived home and was on his computer looking it up he mumbled to himself. " I'm too big for this.." All of the images and notes he could find were of small, very effeminate girls in this state. Asahi on the other hand looks the opposite, though he still had baby fat on his face, he was tall and rough looking, he hated how rough he looked.

He only wished he didn't look so scary, that he would fit into the mole better and be seen as just the same as these girls online for wanting to feel safe in a state of mind. Giving a shaky sigh he hugged his knees to his chest , trying to breathe and calm down, when he was suddenly jolted by
an incoming call from his boyfriend , Nishinoya Yū. Asahi quickly cleared his throat and answered , Noya scrambling all over the place, using quick words to tell his boyfriend about how he wanted to visit and spend the night. Even if Asahi was upset... whenever Noya was around , things seemed to improve, he would be at peace , he could be comforted. But even that didn't shake the fuzzy feeling in his mind threatening to take him over. Either way, he said yes, how could he deny Yū spending time with him even if he wasn't at his best.

Until his boyfriend arrived , Asahi just sat in thought, scrolling through his computer as he researched ,feeling bad about his size and appearance... he only wanted to feel small. He fidgeted with the hem of his knit cardigan , but all of his thoughts were cut off by a strong knock at the door from his partner. Rushing downstairs he went to greet Noya with a smile , his face bright red as he tried to keep calm. No matter how long they had been together , he would always become so flustered and shy. He couldn't help it, there was just a big presence in Nishinoya , contrasting his height. " Hey love.." Asahi smiled , his voice sweet like honey as he awed at the other who was grinning brightly , never flustered or shy, always proud, Nishinoya Yū. " Asahi,  Baby !" He exclaimed before tightly wrapping his arms around the taller of the two. " You look cute today ! Glad I came over !" Noya teased with a wink , making his way up to Asahi's room ahead of him, like he always had, not thinking anything different of it. But when he walked in the room, Noya couldn't help but look at the content of what was on the laptop, an article about age regression and the gentleness of the coping. Asahi stumbled in the room a minute later, his face going red when he realized he forgot to shut off his computer and that his boyfriend was reading the article.

His heart felt like it stopped , but suddenly came pounding faster than before , his chest ached and tears came to his eyes , what if Noya thought he was some kind of freak.. thought he was using this sexually, that's what disgusted him most, what scared him most. The taller , though a minute ago was as happy as he could be, began crying, his fists tightly clenched as he sobbed in place." Don't think it's weird Yū.. please.." he began repeating apologies which only worried Noya , him quickly turning off the laptop and spinning around to cup Asahi's face. " Hey hey .. Don't be worried , it's to help with your anxiety right ? I was just reading, I was just curious." He said with a smile, the bigger teen slightly nodded , sniffling and trying to stop his tears. " My therapist told me uhm.. that I should try it.. " He explained , when suddenly Nishinoya placed a gentle kiss to his lips.

" It's alright ya big baby. I understand, I can even help !" He joked , proud about his words as he tried to help Asahi calm down, for some odd reason he always seemed to be good at that. " Can .. uhm.. we look it up more..? and Talk about it ..?" Asahi asked quietly as he looked down at his partner , clearly even more anxious than before. For the others sake , Yū calmed down , giving a singular nod as he sat on the bed , his boyfriend beside him as he slung one arm around Asahi. Flipping the computer back open he placed it in his lap, and they read , they learned , by the end of their hour of research, Asahi was cuddled up to Nishinoya with his face buried in the others chest. " You wanna try doing it now ,bunny ?" He asked , earning a nod from Asahi who had already fallen into headspace.

Though their height difference would make some believe Noya was more likely to be the one in headspace, it was quite the opposite, Height nor weight , nor any physical attributes determined who was a regressor or not. It was coping, and for Asahi, it had become his best coping. This routine began repeating , Yū caring for his big baby , Asahi letting himself have a place to be calm and feel safe. This was something they both grew to love , Noya not feeling infantilized for his height, and Asahi being able to regress mentally and relax how he had wanted. Fully Innocent , fully safe. Cuddled up in Nishinoya's arms with his teddy bear held firmly to his chest, he had finally realized for himself

' i'm not too big for this..'

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