Flick

I

"Careful not to care too much," Jackson warned me, taking a drag from his cigarette. The air was cooler on the roof. I tried not to shiver. "Careful not to hope or trust too much either," He continued. He was laying down on his back, one arm under his head. He looked so old and sad right now. Heartbreak did that to a person, no matter how young you may be. "But most of all, Flick, don't love too much," He handed the cigarette to me, and I took it, inhaling the smoke. It stung my throat and lungs. I took another drag almost immediately. "Because all that too much is only going to hurt in the end." Jackson turned his head so our eyes met. "Heartbreak is unavoidable Flick, but you can soften the blow if you're ready for it."

It was hard to believe he was 13, just one year older than me. He was beyond his years in so many ways. He wasn't wise. He didn't know the secret of life or anything like that. But he did know how to survive all the hell life puts us through. A skill that I was beginning to learn as well.

"How do I not?" I asked, sucking in a painful breath. The California weather was unusually cold for September, though that hadn't stopped us from climbing up here. A little cold was nothing either of us couldn't handle. Hell, we've both been through far worse. "Care too much, I mean. How do I not hope and trust too much?" I passed the cigarette back to him.

"Flick, to be honest, I'm not sure. But somehow, me and you both, have to figure it all out." I nodded. The stars were so beautiful tonight. It was quiet for LA, but maybe that was just because I wasn't really listening. I loved nights like this. Quiet, deep, comforting. I think sometimes nights like this were all that got me through these long, tiring days.

"Are you okay?" I asked Jackson. He exhaled, watching the smoke gather above his head.

"I'm okay Fee. Just wanted to give you some advice." He only gave me advice when he was really deep in his thoughts. And that only happens when something is wrong. We both knew that, and yet neither one of us would acknowledge it. It was one of those things that was better off unsaid.

"What time is it?" I wasn't sure how long we had been up here. It could have been hours. It could have been days. It didn't matter much. No one would be looking for me.

"Half past 2." I knew he meant AM. "Should we head in?" Jackson asked. He handed the cigarette back to me once again. The sour tasting smoke filled my lungs. It was a familiar, calming feeling.

"Not much need," A gust of wind made me curl into myself. "Nothing better to do inside than out."

Jackson sighed. "You're right. Few more minutes and we'll head in." I shrugged again, passing back the cigarette. "Think your mom's looking for you?" He asked quietly.

The night was growing old. We would talk until it died. "Nope."

Jackson turned his head again, so his brown eyes met my green ones. "Doubt mine is either. She was high as a kite when I left." I forced a humourless chuckle.

"Mine was in the gutter."

"Wine?"

"Whiskey."

Jackson hummed. The cigarette was getting low. He pulled the pack of Marlboros out of his sweatshirt and threw them in my lap. "Take 'em. My brother will give me more."

I inhaled deeply, looking at the beat up box. A box full of little pieces of hatred for myself. I put it in my backpack. "Thanks." He nodded, not looking at me. His eyes were glued to the city below us. Ricks convenience store was always the best roof for city watching. You could see everything from up here. Even at 2 AM the city was buzzing with activity. I had lived in LA all my life. I still loved it just as much as I did when I was little.

"Pretty huh?" Jackson mumbled. I nodded, though he wasn't looking at me. "My favorite part is the lights." He mumbled absently. "Like the way they flicker and glow," He sighed. I pulled out another cigarette. Jackson handed me his lighter without looking away from the city. "Makes 'em look like they're alive."

He pulled a knee to his chest. "Shits going downhill Flick." It always seemed to. We fought an uphill battle. One we had no hope of winning."Not sure how just yet, but I know it's true. I know it's all falling apart." I hummed.

"Does shit ever go uphill for people like us?" I sat up, letting the cigarette dangle from my lip.

Jackson shook his head. "Apparently not. Not for us." We were honest people if nothing else. There was no point in deceiving ourselves. Other people did that for us. "Think things'll ever get easier for us?" Jackson asked, his voice softer than normal.

I sighed. "Not sure. Guess we'll see." Though, I would doubt the future is much easier. In my experience, things rarely get better with time. Only worse. "All we can do is wait and see."

Jackson looked at me. "And hope," He smiled ruefully. "But not too much."

"But not too much." I forced a sad smile.

"Speaking of hope," Jackson took the cigarette from my mouth. I had forgotten I had it. "Talked to your brothers lately?"

I flopped onto my back, letting out a huff of hot air into the cold night. It made a cloud of whitish above my head. "Wouldn't do that to myself." I forced another short laugh.

"How've they been?" Jackson coughed quietly. He took another puff of the cigarette. "Haven't seen them around much lately."

I shrugged. "They haven't been home in a bit." None of them had. Six brothers, and not one of them had bothered to speak to me in months. Some called when it suited them. But I had no interest in half assed attempts to find out what I was up to. They all live in and around the city. They could come see me if they wanted. It's not that they're too busy, I'm just not a priority.

"You should talk to them Flick. I know a few of them call you once and a while." I didn't bother to ask how he had that information. Jackson always seemed to know more than I wanted him to.

"I don't want to talk to them. Why would I? They left. That was their choice."

"Sorry, Flick. I know it's isn't easy to feel left behind." Jackson looked at me with soft eyes.

I shrugged. "Shit happens."

Jackson huffed a laugh and looked down at his lap. "Damn right it does." He handed the cigarette back to me. "But if you're careful, things just might turn out alright."

A/N-New story! What do we think? This character is pretty different from ones I've written in the past (She basically has the complete opposite personality to Izzy lol) But I wanted to do sort of a tougher, different kind of broken. Also, if you can't tell from my other stories, I love girl and boy platonic friendships :)