Sasquatch to the Moon

14: March 10th

Again, this is a double update, go read the first one if you haven't or this is gonna make NO sense. 

note at the bottom for new years, i just wanna thank y'all. 

HÅKON, MARCH 10th. 

It doesn't matter. He doesn't know. I shouldn't expect him to know because I haven't told him. It doesn't matter. He doesn't know.

I stare down at the text message from my sister.

ISA: GRATTIS PÅ FÖDELSEDAGEN!

"He doesn't know, that's your fault." I remind myself again. "If you had told him and he had forgotten it would be different."

I turn around and walk back toward my bedroom, peeking my head in to see him there, curled up and fast asleep in my sheets.

Some smaller part of me reminds me that it's widely available information on the internet, that the Wolves account posted about it and so did Fenrir on his story.

It hurts. More than I want it too. More than it ever has even when my parents started forgetting about it.

You've only been together two weeks. It doesn't matter. He just doesn't know. You never told him. It's your fault for expecting something to happen. It's your fault for wanting something. You would've hated the attention anyway.

I stare at his little sleeping expression and watch his lips move, forming little words under his breath.

It's not like it mattered anyway. People forget my birthday all the time. I stopped telling people because then it just hurt when they forgot about it. I didn't tell him for the same reason.

It's just another fucking day.

I leave the room and work my way down the stairs to the kitchen, finding myself a glass of water and the window, looking out onto the sad, snowy, frozen, street.

March tenth. The day I turned 26.

ROCKET

Getting out of the house was a good move despite it being one in the morning. I need space to think but thinking isn't working right now because honestly I have no idea what just happened.

"Rocket?" Steph picks up. "Dude, I'm eating dinner. What fucking time is it there?"

"One am." I mumble, my voice immediately cracks.

He pauses. "Are you crying?"

"No, not really." I respond, scrubbing my eyes. "Okay, yeah, fine, a little."

"What happened? I thought you were with Håkon?" There's a scuffle on the other side. "Yeah, Aug, I'm gonna step out for just a second, m'sorry."

I rub my eyes a little harder. "If you're eating dinner with her you can go, I really don't-"

"Not important." Steph responds. "What the fuck happened?"

"I don't, I don't know." I sit down on a bench by the sidewalk and put my head in my hands. "One minute we're making out and then the next we're arguing." that's a lie and I know that's a lie.

"You know you can just tell me, right?" He responds. "I'm not gonna care and you already know every single detail about the whole debacle with August down to the sexual shit, so it doesn't matter."

"That's the problem," I mumble. "It's this whole thing with us, he knows I haven't had sex before and I know I want to and I know that it's a stupid embarrassing fact about me that I hate, so I keep asking and I didn't know what his hold up was because we've been together for five months now and he just told me that he thinks I don't want to do it with him but just to do it to get over that personal problem of mine and then the whole thing devolved into him not trusting me and then all the way down into him thinking that I act too much like his therapist and too little like his boyfriend and that he thinks I'm getting a power trip off his improvement over time?"