Game Of Survival | Yang Jungwon

19

Lilia's POV

It was already my turn.

I opened my letter that I wrote earlier while the members were writing their own, and I sighed before reading.

"Enhypen, for a while at the start I acted strong and confident, especially as a member in this group. But I didn't consider myself as an Enhypen member. I felt like all I did was cause the air to be awkward and also cause doubt. I even wondered myself, why was I doing this? In a group of 7 guys, will being the only girl here ruin it?" I start to read out loud.

"As time went by, I thought, should I leave for the benefit of the team? We haven't even debuted yet and I felt like this. But I started to grow attached to you guys, you all felt like older brothers, and a younger one. I watched as you all slowly but surely accepted me."

"So Heeseung, the older brother that subtly makes sure I'm okay, Jay who always helps lighten up the mood, Jake my Aussie brother who I can laugh with freely. Sunghoon who helps me grow, especially on my spins." I chuckle, remembering when he helped me with my balance after I lost it for a while.

"Sunoo, the adorable brother who makes sure I take care of myself. Jungwon, the one who made me feel accepted first and sat by me when I cried. And Niki, my bestfriend who was also always there with me."

"Thank you for being the family I hoped for, the family I somehow missed." I read the last part and look straight at the fire. "That was too long wasn't it." I look up at see all of them stare at me with different expressions, while Jay stares into the fire.

"I'm not crying, I just held my eyes open for too long."

We all laugh at Jay as he looks a bit crazy roasting the marshmallow. "Jungwon's already crying." Sunoo says and I look at him shaking his head. "No it was the fire, the smoke." He says and I chuckle.

After reading all the letters I see a guitar so I take it.

I start to play something and then start singing.

"Annyeong gyeou i hanmadil hagikkajiga
Eoryeoweotjo."

(The song is Hello by Chen, you should really listen)

As I sing the lyrics, I feel myself get emotional, but I don't show it. I've never felt these feelings before, but It feels like I have.

But once I finish, I stare into the fire and the claps from my members take me out of my trance. "Never knew you could play guitar."

"I did."

I chuckle at Niki, remembering when I played guitar for him the first night we met. "I'm tired, I think I'm going to go sleep."

"Same here." I agree with Sunghoon as we all start to walk to the tents.

___________________________

"Okay so.. it's 8pm, remember take it around the same time." I mumble to myself as I take the small yellow tablet, drinking some water as I swallow it before hiding it at the back of the second drawer no one goes through.

"Time to diet again."

___________________________

I sit there, looking down at the piano.

I don't think I can do it.

My fingers press the keys, making the melody before I start to sing.

"You were here, but I wasn't there. Why didn't I stay and wait to make our memories last.
I am here, but he's not there. My memories are the only piece that I have left. Why couldn't you hold on? why didn't I hold tighter? To your wrist that held the only thing we shared."

"Now I'm here, in your dream, wish I could see your smile that shined too brightly.
Your dream? Is it even my dream? Or am I filling the void deep inside of me?"

"I'm here, on the stage, the crowd is cheering but isn't it all just.. Fake?
What if they love me? what If they hate me? what If they don't know what to think and act like sheep..
Will they think I'm good.? Will they think I'm bad? I'm only human but does that even surpass?"

"You were only human. We were only human. You were perfect but that perfect never lasts."

"You were my home, you kept me warm, but now you're gone, and there's no way to find your warmth,"

"My Hiraeth."

I didn't know a tears had stained my cheeks till I heard my name. "Is this.. the song you wrote?" I turn to Jungwon and see my tear stained cheeks in the mirror behind him. I turn around and wipe them away, nodding my head as he sits next to me on the piano chair.

"Is it about.. someone you've lost? The one two years ago? A sibling?" He asks and I widen my eyes, looking at him. "How'd you.."

"The manager was worried about the lyrics. He was worried when you collapsed, knowing it was about your past. And not to mention the staff giving you another question after a new one asked about siblings. And your response, which was "panic attacks are now common." He says and I frown slightly.

"You really pay attention.."

"Yeah I do, because I care." He says and I look down, my hair covering my face. I feel his fingers brush against my cheek and tuck my hair behind my ear, using his fingers to tilt my chin towards him.

"I'm here, you know that right? You don't need to cry alone or act okay. You think I don't see it? You smile so often people think you're the happiest person out there, but I can see that the smile isn't to make you feel better, it's to make others feel better."

I felt like all the walls I put up have just been teared down by a single boy.

That boy being Yang Jungwon.

"Kim Elijah, his Korean name was Yong-saeng. It means to live forever.. but he didn't." I put on a small smile, keeping my head down.

"He wanted to be an idol. In a boy group under BigHit, right with his favourite cousin, right with his bestfriend."

"His friends weren't the best. He had a bestfriend, he was good and kind, might've lived in a different state but he had to leave. And his new friends weren't good and kind, they were mean, hurtful, they had no humanity." I watch a tear drop onto my hand.

"All he wanted to do was be an Idol here, and they laughed at him, you'd think they'd laugh once and forget, but they kept persisting and persisting, telling him he was useless and no one would ever want him."

"They hurt him, physically. They were going to hurt me, but he took my pain instead. But once he was free from them, their words were still in his mind. And when they company wouldn't take him because of his relation to Taehyung, he lost it."

"The next thing I know his body was on the ground in front of a 10 story building."

All I could feel was his arms wrap around me as my head leaned on his chest. "So that's why you're here, in BigHit, in a boy group?" He asks and I nod.

"He always told me when he leaves the world and I'm still here, he'll watch over me, he'll walk the same path as me so Ill never be alone. So I guess I'm walking him through his dream." I tell him and I feel his hand gently pat my head.

"Is it your dream?"

I didn't know how to answer the question. "I'm not sure yet, I'm not sure if I'll ever know." I hear a sigh escapes his lips before I feel him look down at me, so I look back up at him.

"I'd never thought a girl would join our team. But I'm glad it was you."

Well that got depressing tf