What You Caused

51.

A/n the song i put will make things seem more ~intense~ so you should listen whilst reading  :p

Chapter 51 | In the span of 10 minuets

Isabella:

I feel nauseous.

Surely I couldn't have heard that right.

I can't have. There is no way he had liked me back when we were kids.

If he did I would have known. I would have known.

And then all of this wouldn't have happened for no reason.

Jesus. My self hatred? My low self esteem? My horrible body image issues? My fucking eating disorder? Was it all for no reason?

"You what?" I ask in disbelief, needing clarification.

He raises an eyebrow. "Yeah I had a big crush on you when we were younger, I'm surprised you didn't know already." He narrows his eyes. "It was pretty obvious."

My hands begin to shake.

"You had a pretty fucking obvious way of showing it then didn't you."

A feeling of unease swirls around in the pit of my stomach as the nausea only increases and I shake my head.

"Who else knew that you liked me?" I swallow. I don't why I was asking that. It wasn't important right now.

"Only Dylan and Aidan, but I told them after you left for London."

Aidan.

Aidan had tried to tell me on the day of the barbecue.

My entire body begins to tremble. I need to get out of here. I need air.

Rushing past Lucas, I storm out of his room, my mind reeling with thoughts as my breathing hitches.

I can hear the patter of Lucas' footsteps across the hardwood floor as he follows after me but I ignore his calls and run down the stairs.

"Where are you going?" He yells, urgency lacing his voice.

I ignore him, my breathing continuing to become increasingly ragged as the house slowly begins to spin.

I lean against the wall of the hallway once I'm off the stairs, trying to get the room to stop spinning, trying to get my breathing in check.

"Bell are you okay?" Lucas asks, his face etched with concern.

"Get away from me!" I snap, shoving him away. "Does it look like I'm fucking okay?"

His eyebrows draw together and he presses his lips into a thin line as he hovers above me.

It was all for no reason.

It was all for no reason.

Everything that happened. It was all because of some miscommunication? Because of some fucking assumption that got blown out of proportion?

Three years of my life that I will never get back, my entire childhood feeling like I was never good enough, the dark, dark place that I had been stuck in, scratch that, am still stuck in...was all for no reason.

I look back up at Lucas, seeing the worry drawn on his features sends me over the edge.

"Fuck you," I spit, shoving his chest and throwing the fucking diary at his head. He doesn't budge. Of course he doesn't budge. The guy is made of fucking steel and on top of that he catches the notebook mid air before it gets anywhere near his head. Fucking quarterback.