Star Wars Imagines

Not So Alone- Ben Solo

I couldn't help but groan at the sound of screaming from the other room. I wiped my groggy eyes, sat up, and looked at the clock. It was still the middle of the night. I crawled out of bed and slowly made my way down the hall.

When I stepped into my son's room he was standing on his bed, wide awake. Cadan looked so much like his father. They had the same dark hair and hazel eyes. He stopped his crying when he spotted me.

I crossed the room and scooped the toddler up into my arms. "What's wrong, sweetie?" I asked softly.

Cadan wrapped his tiny arms around my neck and sniffled. "I pottied."

That was when I smelled the strong scent of urine. I sighed and lowered him to the floor. "It's okay," I whispered.

I had started his potty training only a couple weeks ago so it wasn't a surprise that he was still wetting the bed at night. I reached into his dresser and pulled out a fresh set of clothes and a diaper.

After dressing him, I worked on the sheets next. I removed the dirty ones and put on fresh ones. Cadan stood silently, holding onto a stuffed toy as he watched.

"Back to bed," I told him when I was finished.

He yawned and crawled under the covers, instantly falling asleep. I smiled and watched him for a moment before returning to my own room, grateful that he had been in a good mood.

————

"No!" Cadan screeched, tossing his spoon.

It didn't go far, but he managed to get milk and cereal all over him.

With a heavy sigh, I cleaned him up. It was mornings like these I wished more than ever that Ben was alive. He would know what to do.

"Please eat your food," I said, holding the spoon out to him again.

It took a bit of coaxing, but he finished the majority of his breakfast. After that, he was a happy baby. I let him down from his high chair and he ran off to play. I gave a heavy sigh and rested my head in my hands.

I wondered if I was doing a good job. Some days I felt like supermom, but days like today were harder. Cadan had cried all morning and I was still exhausted from not getting any sleep last night.

"He has your nose."

A deep voice startled me from my daze. I jumped out of my seat and looked around for the source. Standing in the doorway of the kitchen stood a ghost. A man I hadn't seen in two years.

Ben smiled softly at me. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"How... How are you here?" I whispered. I rubbed my eyes, convinced it had to be some sort of hallucination. Maybe I was sleep deprived. But when I opened my eyes again, he was still there.

"The force works in mysterious ways," he replied.

He was dressed in simple Jedi robes, just as he was the last time I saw him. Tears began to pool in my eyes when I realized it really was him.

"Oh Ben, I missed you," I said with a wavering voice. I wasn't sure, but I thought I saw his eyes glimmering. It was hard to tell because his image wasn't clear.

"I've missed you," he replied with a sad smile. "How is our son?"

"He's a handful, but I love him. He looks more and more like you every day."

"Poor thing. If only he took after you. You're the attractive one," Ben teased with a laugh.

We both knew that was a lie. Ben was the most handsome man I had ever seen.

I was quiet for a moment before I spoke again. "I'm so scared I'll do something wrong to mess it up. I'm doing my best to raise him right, but it's hard by myself."

I felt the urge to run to Ben, but I knew all I would be met with was air. The sight of him made me long for his hugs even more than I already did every day.

"I know, darling, and I'm sorry," he replied sadly. "I want you to know that you're doing a great job. He's going to grow up to be a wonderful man."

His words made me smile. "I love you so much, Ben Solo." Tears were streaming down my face now.

"I love you so much, Y/N Solo."

He gave me a soft smile and his image slowly faded from view.

My body shook and I let out a sob. I wanted to scream and beg him to come back, but I knew he had stayed for a long as he could.

Cadan must have heard me because he came into the room. "Why cry?" He asked.

I was smiling now and I picked him up, placing him on my hip. I pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'll tell you when you're older."

I had felt so alone the past two years, but after seeing him for just a minute the feeling had faded a bit. I knew he would always be there, watching as our son grew up. The thought made my smile grow, although I was still crying.