Under the influence

Honest

I am not perfect , I will not try to convince this world otherwise. I am a ball of trauma , an embodiment of hurt and destructive chaos ,but atleast I am truthful about it. I have toxic ways , unhealthy patterns that I have created for myself to cope with this void in my chest , in the centre of where my love should pour out from.

I am not perfect , I lie and sometimes I destroy everything in my path because that is all I have ever known. I push my feelings to the bottom of my gut and I avoid every spec of love because I am absolutely terrified of the things I cannot control and emotions are something I cannot control. I am selfish and sometimes I unknowingly use the parts of others to build for myself a sanctuary to cower in the wake of my pain.

Forgive me , I was born into a generation of anxious hearts ,but that does not excuse the ones I myself have broken. I am a mess , I am toxic , I am unhealthy and it is probably best for people to stay away from me ,but there has never been one moment where I haven't given all of my broken heart. Atleast I honour my emotions , atleast I am truthful enough to acknowledge that there are things I have to work on.

And that is more then I can say for the rest of this generation ,it is more then I can say for even the generation before us. I am not perfect ,but atleast I do not have to break when I go home and the faker side of my mask leaves me crumbling alone In the dark.

                         -Liyah Smith