The dragonfly tattoo artist

13

After that kiss they weren't something, but neither were anything. They were in the very uncomfortable and despicable middle.

"We'll go to the studio, but I won't paint you yet" Lauren muttered as they walked to the back door holding hands.

"Do you know that means you won't see me naked?"

"Yes" Lauren said "and I really don't care" She added with a certain indifference.

"I can't believe you just said that..."

"Neither do I" Lauren said with a sweet smile, her embarrassed look fixing a few seconds on the floor "I really must love you very much."

And, without allowing her to say anything else, Lauren dragged her into the room that Camila already knew.

"What will we do now, Lauren?" She wanted to know with some nervousness. "If you want to go directly to the next step you must know that I'm not ready and..."

"Camz!" Lauren scolded her. "I just want to talk... I don't want to have sex with you yet. I don't feel ready either, and it's weird. Undressing in front of the guys I hired like my models wasn't so hard."

"You've never been with women?" She asked as she sat on the bed, immediately adopting the typical seductive pose she wore when Lauren painted her. And she didn't do it to provoke her, but because she was used to doing it. "You always refer to 'he', but never to 'her'."

"There were several; mostly prostitutes... But with them it was different, because when we had sex I wanted it. I regret being with boys, Camz, but not with girls.

"I understand..." Camila murmured, and it was true.

And it hurt even though those relationships were a thing of the past.

It hurt because someone else had kissed Lauren, and someone else had hugged her, and someone else had touched her, and Lauren had liked it.

"The first was Ivonne, the prostitute my uncle paid to cheer me up. Then, when I started painting, I would go to the brothel and select my models. If I liked them enough, I'd pay them double so they'd give me their favors at the end..."

"So you've never had a girlfriend?"

"Not really... at first I went to the brothel constantly and paid for Ivonne's service. I told her things, and she listened and tried to make me feel better. I thought we had something, but one night I saw her dancing to a guy while hugging him like she used to hug me, and I realized she didn't really listen to me or comfort me. She was there for the money, and I was there for her, because I needed to feel loved in some way."

Camila sighed. It hurt, but she wanted to hear her. Camila knew it was important.

"Then I went out with Jessy, who worked every Saturday at a strip club. We lasted a week... I lastly went out with Isabelle, who also worked in a brothel. I didn't care about her work, because it was just that: work. Besides, I just needed to feel like I had someone... she left me for a guy after two months."

"Did you love them?"

The painter immediately denied it, and felt no shame.

"I've only loved one girl in my whole life, and that's me" Lauren replied with a sigh before sitting next to Camila and sliding her hand on her leg, so that her fingers would end up rubbing against the of the youngest ones.

The painter seemed nervous, and Camila could sense the slight tremors that seemed to be accompanying her as she wondered if it was right to take her hand.

To clear her doubts it was Camila who held her tightly, and the painter admired the gesture as if there was nothing more beautiful in the world.

"I'm sorry, Camz. I... I don't know how to handle this relationship thing. I don't know how it works."