Coming Home (English Version)

28. Go

Layla

I have been living in a daze for the past few days. As a matter of fact, I don't think I have been living at all. As time went on, the void in my stomach never ceased growing and last night I couldn't sleep at all as my mind wondered about everything that could go wrong today. Back in Al Qaffay, I was hopeful and perhaps even optimistic, but now the overwhelming feeling that something really bad is about to happen, doesn't let me even listen to what Hamdan is saying. I think we both have been feeling the same way but we hide it from each other. Now that I see him, it is obvious that we're on the same page. The frown between his eyebrows grows deeper by the minute, his jaw is tense as he barely opens his lips to let words out, and his eyes speak to me about a thousand concerns that he will never actually tell me about.

"Layla." He says with a voice that seems to be far away even though he's standing right in front of me. "Layla," he repeats with much more clarity. "Are you listening to me?"

"Yes." I lie with a nod.

He sighs, looks around the empty hall of the palace and takes one step closer to me to take my hand. "We will be fine, okay?" He reaffirms.

I squeeze his hand and nod again because the knot in my throat is not letting me speak. Hamdan kisses my forehead and leads the way towards the majli, not letting go of my hand. Suddenly, I'm second guessing everything, from my feelings towards him to the clothes I'm wearing, as if that was something significant that could make the difference. Of course I love him, of course I want to be with him and there's nothing wrong with my dress, but it's like I am being dragged towards the edge of a cliff that I'm supposed to jump from and now I try to search for any lame excuse not to do it.

We stop at the double doors and he knocks softly, her voice tells us to come in and Hamdan turns the knob to let me in first. I'm welcomed by the surprised look on her face.

"I thought it was only you who was coming, Hamdan." She says.

Hamdan closes the door behind him. "We both needed to talk to you."

I kiss mama on the cheek and sit on the couch across from her in the small majli. Well, small for palace standards. Hamdan does the same and sits next to me.

"Coffee, anyone?" She suggests.

Both of us reject the offer and she dismisses the server, who leaves the room through the back door.

She rubs her palms and looks at us excitedly. "So, what is this about? Is there any good news? Perhaps Layla managed to talk some sense into you, Hamdan."

This will be worse than expected.

"No." Hamdan replies dryly and her face falls immediately.

He is doing the talking, at least at first. That I did manage to register from the text he sent me before we met here.

He clears his throat. "There's something you need to know. Layla and I... we're in love."

She frowns and shakes her head slightly but repeatedly. "Excuse me?"

Hamdan turns to look at me and takes my hand again. "We are in love. We have been for quite some time and we wish to get married."

Her face softens with realisation and her sight falls down to our hands holding. I see her shoulders and chest rise up with a deep inhale and her lips mumble something I cannot hear.

"Is this why you didn't want to get married?" She asks Hamdan with piercing eyes.

"Yes." He admits. "I was in love with someone else, I couldn't get married."