CH. 6: INTERNAL CONFLICT

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I hope all of you had a great holiday and a happy New Year

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I hope all of you had a great holiday and a happy New Year. I'm finally back. I took as much rest as I possibly could, and I've never been better. I'm talking to a lot of people now to help myself, and while I'm still recovering, I'm glad that I have the urge to write again. Thank you for staying. Thank you for waiting for me. I love you all.

"I'll be your eyes 'til yours can shine

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"I'll be your eyes 'til yours can shine. And I'll be your arms I'll be your steady satellite. And when you can't rise. Well, I'll crawl with you on hands and knees 'cause I'm gonna stand by you." --Stand By You, RACHEL PLATTEN

"So what are your plans?" John asks me for the fourth time

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"So what are your plans?" John asks me for the fourth time.

Honestly, I have no plans. I have no idea. I remained silent throughout their talk, and my eyes would unabashedly dart to the group — Derek's group — near us. That Caleb guy was all over him, and it hurt more when Derek was entertaining him. Memories came flooding inside my head, and I realized that there were a lot of times I did that to him. Girls would openly flirt with me, and I'd flirt back on purpose just so I could get a reaction out of him. For what reason? I have no idea.

But now that I'm on the receiving end, it hurts. Throughout our hangout, Emily remained touchy over to me, but in a friendly way. I'd find Derek's eyes spotting our group, and my heart would do a quick but loud beat. There was no expression on his face, but I hope that whatever it was going on inside of him, it's jealousy.

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