Submitting

Shush

I had to feel him. It was a necessity. My fingers gently grabbing his hair, getting lost in the soft and silky tufts, head tilted towards him, eyes closed, lips touching and moving in a non-periodic rhythm, legs strangled on his lap. It was something that I had to do. Right?

The dilemma that arose at my conspicuous actions surprised me. It was not supposed to be like that. I was not supposed to question my need to pretend in front of Dimitri about my supposed affections towards him. He was no child and of course knew that all of this was just my way to show him my compliance. I was okay with him knowing that as long as I got to have Liza out of there. Away from here. But now, I wasn't sure if he knew the self-doubt I was facing as well.

His fingers suddenly curled up, as if he was trying to stop himself from doing something, but changed his mind once again when they uncurled and decided to slid under my dress. That was the moment when all the tangled up uncertainty in my head unravelled, replaced by anxiety heavily tinged with fear. 

The note tucked in the waist band of my underwear was soon going to be a secret no more. He would know my plans and everything that I had worked so far would all go to waste just because of my sheer stupidity and lack of internal cohesiveness. Just a few more inches of distance and everything would tumble over like a house of cards blown away by a mere whistle of wind. 

A loud knock on the front door broke us apart as we gasped for air greedily. Our breaths mingled as I blinked a couple of times, still unable to keep track of the million things that seem to be happening at the same moment. I was so lost in my thoughts that I forgot to breathe or even stop for that matter as the realization to act at the opportunity crashed really hard.

I had to somehow reach the guy and give him the note in a way that would not put my actions in any kind of danger. Dimitri was sly and clever and of course he would make sure that I am not seen by anyone who could possibly go against him. The numbers would be huge in that case because everyone else who wasn't working for Dimitri was a possible threat.

So far things seemed to run too smoothly unlike they usually do. Almost as if Dimitri planned them out very carefully. If that was the case then this sudden stranger would be no exception. The very thought of it made my skin crawl as my head came up with all the possibilities where Dimitri once again would find a reason to punish me leaving me helpless and at his mercy.

It was a conundrum in my head and the lack of time didn't help things either. Out of all the feelings that seemed to rush through me, relief was the most overpowering as I gazed into his mysterious green eyes and found not a hint of suspicion or knowledge of what I knew and planned.

"That must be the delivery guy." He smiled a little and looked at me with a slight adoration that felt so rare and strangely unknown from a guy who claimed to like me so much that he went to the heights of kidnapping me. He wasn't the most expressive yes, and maybe that is the reason why I felt a strange little ball in my stomach. 

"Uhm, yeah." I tried to give out a casual laugh, one that came out so distorted that I almost clenched my eyes shut with cringe. I wasn't the best at flirting, and it clearly showed. He let it slide though or maybe just knew how I was as he placed both of his hands on my waist and lifted me off his lap while I complied and stood up, ready to take another step away from him when he pulled me closer and kissed me again.

"Don't move." The soft whisper he left against my lips didn't feel the littlest bit sensual. Instead, I felt like a pet of his to whom he just playfully cooed an order which had to be followed otherwise there would be consequences. 

 He walked out of the room, closed the door behind him and left me aghast. 

But there was no time for me to waste. I can think about what he did and hate him more later. Right now what I needed to do was go out and seek help. 

I walked towards the door with not so much of a hurry since it would have been useless anyway. Dimitri was possibly out there talking to whoever was oblivious enough to face him and I won't be able to meet them until and unless my captor hopefully walked away to grab the money to pay them or something. I hadn't considered the fact that maybe he would not make them wait at all, maybe he already had the money on himself. If that was the case then all the trouble I went through was completely useless. Yet, I had to try. 

When the inaudible mumble coming from the other side of the door ceased, I realized that Dimitri must have left them alone. This was my chance as I twisted the door knob as quietly as I could and tried not to walk too quickly on the harsh wooden floors that might alert them of my presence. The turn of the hallway was narrow and dark, perfect for me to peek at the entrance which was a forbidden zone and yet all the favourable settings still wasn't enough to give me the sense of security that I won't get caught. 

A deep breath later I decided to grab the note under my dress and keep it ready in my sweaty palm. I would have a few seconds to say two words that should be enough for them to understand my situation without them getting confused by the random note they would receive on a work day. The rest was all in the hands of the universe.

"One, two, three." I forgot to take a look and make sure that the coast was clear before dashing around the corner as fast as I could with my eyes closed but only for a brief moment as I reached the doorway quicker than I anticipated. Shock did come though.

The man, a tall statued, muscular built, dark hair and so familiar in  a strange way that I couldn't quite point it out.

There they were, facing the door, away from me. Standing so still that I was sure they didn't hear 

And there he was, my ticket to  freedom. Standing in the foyer, facing away from me. Perhaps he was not aware of my presence yet, and I wasn't even sure how to make him. My lips felt sewn shut, and I couldn't come up with a single thing that I could call them by, to make him understand of my situation and how much I needed his help even if we were strangers.

Turns out, we weren't after all. 

Ivan turned around with a sickly twisted smile on his face. It would have been better if he had rather laughed didn't. It was a game he enjoyed as he eyed the note clutched in my hand and knew instantly what I had planned and just like that, everything I hoped for shattered into a million pieces, replaced by the fear of loss of all the progress that I had made with Dimitri so far. All that effort would amount to nothing, the last few hours would amount to nothing if Ivan decided to call his brother and tell him about my unsuccessful attempt. 

Ivan placed a finger on his lips, shushed me quietly and decided to leave instead.