You need love | K.NJ

Im Tired

Kill me now

TRIGGER WARNING: PANIC ATTACKS AND SELF HARM

If the following triggers u then I advise u not to read. I'll mark it with a "💞💞💞" to let u know when it's over. when u see that u can finish reading bestie.

just remember I luh yall, yall stay safe

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Y/N POV

I sob while crawling to my bed and settling down in the middle. I lay my head against the wall, as usual. I close my eyes and follow the procedure that I go through at least once a week, like a routine. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Panic attacks are the fucking worse. I'd say on a scale of one to ten I'd usually experience them at a level 8 degree. But it's definitely a level 10 when they happen out of nowhere, like the one I'm having right now. 

My hands shake as I try to run them through my hair and focus my eyes on something in the room. Except it's hard when you have no furniture. My legs scramble over to my 2 drawer dresser that's on the floor, adjacent to my bed. I hurriedly look through the drawers trying to find anything that could distract myself from the compressing feeling in my throat.  I continue rummaging until I spot it. 

My good ole razor.

 I quickly grab the sharp object and tumble back to my bed. I almost dropped the razor in the process. It's been a while since I used it but the wounds are as clear as day. I look for a clean spot on my arm but it's already decorated with thin cuts and wound so I retreat to my thighs. I immediately take the blade and make a decent slash on my inner thigh and allow my mind to focus on the thick red liquid that oozes out of my thigh. I try to distract myself as I think about the different properties of blood.

𝘙𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘳. 𝘈𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘭𝘦-𝘳𝘦𝘥..... 

 𝘉𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦. 𝘱𝘏 𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦- 7.35-7.45...

 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 = 5𝘹 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳...

My eyes begin to flutter shut as I slowly but surely calm down and my breathing regresses to normal. I begin to lose consciousness from over-exhausting myself. I fall into a deep slumber and forget all my problems just for a moment and dream about the things that I miss most, my mother. 

Oh, how I wish she'd come back to me.

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💞💞💞

3rd Person pov

Jimin walks down the hallway with his head held high like he fucking owns the place as usual. As soon as someone gets money in their hands is when they act like the cockiest bitch alive. He stops at his locker to retrieve his books and check his hair. When he's done he turns from his locker to continue his strut down the hallways. But as he turns he bumps into an annoyingly happy person, well at least to him.

"Watch where the fuck your going hope" Jimin sighs with an irritated glint in his eyes. 

"Oh, I'm sorry prince Jimin." hoseok says with a playful smirk.