summary: after your relationship became a victim of the war, you and poe take a moment to reflect on old memories (based on the song the things we used to share by thomas sanders)
warnings: language, angst
Poe Dameron would have given you the world if he could.
That was the be-all-and-end-all of it - of him, of you, of your relationship. He cared so violently and so deeply, as if loving you was all he'd ever known. Your happiness was at the forefront of everything he did, of everything he wanted the galaxy to be. Loving you was all he knew. Loving you was all he wanted to know.
But hearts were breaking and wars were raging on. You were torn one way and he was torn the other - you tried to hold on, to desperately cling onto each other as the galaxy grew darker and scarier by the day. His goofy smile and silly little comments were the only light that guided you through. But, as much as you tried to pretend that it was, things were beyond your control. There was nail after nail in the coffin and before either of you could even try to argue, your relationship had become tattered; torn before your very eyes; collateral damage to a much wider war.
The days grew longer and the nights grew colder. Before you knew it, you were working fifteen-hour-days on Ajan Kloss, sweating under the jungle canvas and beating sun in the fight for the galaxy. You hadn't forgotten about Poe - no, not at all. Not in the slightest. You couldn't possibly. He was still on your mind every second of every day; you laid awake for hours at night, wondering how something so important to you had slipped away so easily.
It was on one of those nights that you found yourself wandering through the Jungle, back to one of the spots you used to frequent together. It was a little grassy cliff that overlooked the little villages of the green planet; the lights stretched out for miles ahead of you, eventually meeting with the stars in the middle and fading off into a vortex of nothingness. The yellow glow of the dwellings stood out brightly amongst the black canvas of the night sky, acting as a permanent reminder that everything was so little, so menial. You'd chosen to fight in a war that might not have mattered in a few hundred years.
This was the only part of the planet where you felt truly content. Before now, it had always been the little room you'd shared with Poe - but aside from your clothes, you'd left everything there. Neither of you could bare to split up the stuff you'd shared. It would have officially meant shattering the perfect image of what you'd built together - if you could just preserve it, if you could just hold onto it a little longer. The memories that you shared together didn't quite suffice to show how you really felt.
The grass was slightly damp against your legs as you sat down, the wet seeping through your jeans. It was a welcome relief against the hot, sticky air. It clung to your skin like cellophane, a constant and suffocating reminder of how tough times had become.
'Trouble sleeping?'
You jumped at the sound of Poe's voice, twisting around to face him. He was stood a few feet away from you, a bottle of beer in one hand and a book in the other. The moon cast a white glow across his features - it was almost celestial. Fitting, you figured.
'I never can these days.' You replied. 'You?'
'Yeah, same.' He offered you a small smile, gently dropping onto the ground next to you. 'Came to clear my head.'
'Makes sense.' You nodded. 'This place still has one of the most beautiful views in the galaxy.'
'I get that a lot from the ladies.'
A small laugh escaped your lips. 'Poe.'
'I know, I know.' He nudged you slightly with his elbow. 'I just...I wasn't expecting to see you here.'
'Ditto.' You replied. 'It's been a while.'
Poe never thought he'd spend a while apart from you. He simply figured that once you were together, that was it. It didn't feel like there was ever going to be a reason for you to break up - but he realised now that thinking like that had been foolish. He'd learnt that you could never plan for the future. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how hard you held onto your loved ones, some things were simply beyond your control. It hurt, but didn't everything these days?
'I still have that jacket of yours.' You glanced over at him. 'It's gonna be getting colder soon, so you might want it back-'
'- no, you should keep it.' Poe replied. 'It's yours.'
He didn't care about menial things like possessions or belongings. The things he ached for were beyond that; your touch, your kisses, your love. Of all the things you'd left behind - the shower gel and the hair brush and a random shirt - he wished that you could have left a kiss or a smile or...something more than an object.
'For what it's worth, I do wear it a lot.' You said. 'It's a very comfortable jacket.'
'Oh, I know.' He forced a smile. 'I used to wear that thing everywhere until you sunk your claws into it.'
'I just said you could have it back-'
'- and I said I want you to keep it.' He reminded you. 'You get cranky when you're cold.'
Poe was only so adamant on the matter because he hoped that you holding onto it might help you hold onto him. The idea of you forgetting him, of forgetting your love and moving on, was almost unbearable. As far as he was concerned - as far as he would let himself be concerned - he was still yours. No person or break-up or goddamn fucking war could ever change that.
'And you get cranky when you're hungry.' You shot back. 'I remember once you forgot to eat breakfast and you were so rude to Leia that she almost drop-kicked your ass into the suns of Tatooine - and that's a whole system away.'
'That would be a pretty big drop kick.' Poe agreed. 'But if anyone's capable of it, it's Leia freaking Organa.'
It was moments like this that you both missed - just you and him and the view, talking about nothing and everything. The sense of normality you felt in those moments was worth so much more than either of you would ever realise.
'I miss you, Dameron.' You muttered.
'And I miss you.' He replied.
It was more than just missing each other - physically and verbally, you'd broken up, but on an emotional side of things, Poe Dameron still certifiably owned your ass. Try as you might, that was never going to change.
'C'mon.' You suddenly leapt up, sticking your hand out to him. 'We should probably get back to base.'
'I thought we were talking-'
'- we can talk and walk.' You said. 'If I stay out here any longer with you, I know that you'll convince me to fall back in love with you and that is not going to end well for either of us.'
'I don't think it would take much convincing.' He shot back.
'So cocky.' You muttered.
Even with his feet planted firmly back on the ground, Poe still didn't let go of your hand. It was a fifteen minute walk to base and he was going to be damned if he didn't spend that holding onto you.
You still had his jacket. He still had your alarm clock. You still had one of his t-shirts. He still had a pair of your boots.
But, more importantly than anything, you still had each other's hearts. During your break up, it felt like someone had torn it out, put it through a blender and made BB-8 roll over it exactly 2187 times. After that - together or apart - it belonged to Poe forever. He was going to be gentle with it.
