I'm so stupid I actually thought this shit would work
The only reason I'm writing in this right now is because I have extra time on my hands and I might crucio myself if I have to study for the O.W.Ls any longer.
I guess I'll introduce myself, because this intrigues me. No matter how stupid it is. I'm Draco Malfoy. Son of Narcissa Malfoy and Lucius Malfoy.
I found this book in the room of requirement entitled; to your dearest desire
Since the only person reading this is me I guess this is going to be my journal.
There's a Slytherin party tonight in the common room and Blaise & Pansy are making me go.
I usually like parties, sneaking into the raven claw common room and stealing Lunas edibles is the only way I usually make it through.
Tonight however I don't want to go. I've been hearing this voice inside my head, I don't quite know what it is. It's a girl, sounds to be around the same age as me. Saying my name over and over again.
Stupid I know, I think I must have gone mad.
Then again, she could be reading this right now. But why would she be? She's not my deepest desire. She's been annoying the fuck out of me. But I can't get her out of my head. Almost like a soulmate communicating with me, from a different realm.
Not a different realm scratch that I sound idiotic.
I just feel like she's not here, in Hogwarts that is. I don't exactly know where she may be. All I know is I need to find her.
I've created this persona of myself that only allows people to see me from a certain lens.
I want people to hear me. How I scream at night, how I cry myself to sleep. Oh how the only thing in the world I need right now is someone to talk to. But I can't, I'll be viewed as weak. Slytherins aren't cowards, especially their head boy.
If there was one word to describe me it would be scared. I'm scared of who I've become. It started off as a front. I was always a kind caring boy growing up as my dad repeated in my ear "be powerful Draco"
I still don't quite know what that means.
I always perceived it as he wants me to hold power within myself. My power was endured as I spent time at Hogwarts. Resisting any sign that I cared or wanted people to care.
But maybe that's not what it meant at all. Power does not mean making people fear you. Power does not mean building everything up inside of me. I can be powerful and afraid. It's what I choose to do with that power that scares me. I can't control myself most of the time. I get so angry almost like something else controls my body and makes me act out the way I do.
I don't expect anyone to understand. I don't understand it myself.
I think I've let myself go.
Draco Malfoy.
