Awkward Beat [H.S]

Chapter 27

In which Niall breaks the ice... and a blood vessel.

Chapter 27

Awkward beat.

The air around us seemed to still. I sucked in a breath and closed my lips, as if I wanted to hold it in.

Harry's eyes ghosted over my face, down to my neck and back up again. His smile had vanished, and he shifted his tongue around inside his mouth before adding quietly, "... if I hadn't already made that clear."

Had he? I tried to recall detail, but my mind was locked, frozen on this particular moment in time.

When I didn't respond and simply stared at him in bewilderment, Harry loosened his grip on me. No boy had ever told me he loved me before, but I always imagined that when it was first said, it would be with hope and nervous excitement. All I could see in Harry's eyes were longing and loss, as if he already knew how this was going to play out.

"Why?" I finally asked, my voice nothing more than a whispery breath.

His touch grew distant. "Does it matter?"

"I don't know," I answered, absently shaking my head.

I really didn't. My thoughts were a jumbled mess, a series of curse words and interrogative punctuation flying in one ear and out the other. Poor Harry, with his mussed-up curls and softened gaze and arms that held me as if afraid I'd get away. I couldn't look at him anymore. I didn't want to watch his eyes lose their luster.

"I, um..." was all I could say as I ducked under one of his arms and shimmied under the covers across the bed. Harry let me go, and while I rolled away he shut his eyes in defeat, knowing he'd lost me. "I have to use the loo."

I couldn't have gotten there fast enough, and though my feet felt like heavy metal dragging on the ground, I must have practically sprinted to the bathroom, never looking back.

Once I'd shut the door in my own private space, I placed my hands on the edge of the counter to steady myself, hanging my head low as I attempted to regulate my breathing. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest, it actually hurt, like it was working overtime but in too much pain to pump blood throughout my body.

What had I done?

There was a hotel robe hanging on a hook on the back of the door, so I slipped it on and tied it with shaking hands.

He said he loved me.

I stood over the sink and splashed water on my face, fruitlessly hoping that I'd wake myself up from a nightmare.

How could we go on after this?

Meticulously, one at a time, I removed the remainder of the pins from my hair and shook it out, letting it fall increases over my shoulders. Then I stared into the mirror, gulping when I couldn't find anything in my reflection worthy of Harry. In fact, I'd never found myself so repulsive.

I could have locked myself in there for another hour, fretting and toiling over my next move, if I hadn't heard shuffling just outside the bathroom.

Panicked, I flung open the door to see Harry picking up his discarded jacket off the floor, fully clothed including belt and tuxedo vest – though nothing was buttoned up or tucked in. With his shoes on, I gathered he was on his way out.

"Where are you going?" I asked, stepping into the entranceway.

"Uh..." Harry said, rubbing the back of his neck in discomfort. "I have to pack up some things before we leave. Should shower and change before breakfast. And Niall has to be woken up. So, um..."