heavenly ✓

𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 28

☆𝚊𝚕𝚎𝚡𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝚙𝚘𝚟☆

I was obsessed with picture perfect, I searched the world inside out, for a single moment i could say that this is what my life is all about. and i found it. i found her. an amazing soul walking this earth that made me feel whole. complete.

My life was viewed through lenses, my camera a medal worn with pride. (^ⁱ ʳᵉᵈ ᵗʰⁱˢ ˢᵒᵐᵉʷʰᵉʳᵉ ˢᵒ ⁱᵗ'ˢ ⁿᵒⁿᵉ ᵐⁱⁿᵉ)           I thought it held the moments that I'd always keep inside, but looking back at photos, I can't remember how i felt, the noises that the world made or the way the warm air smelt. I don't remember how the day was, if it was going good or bad, I've just a snapshot of the moment, that nobody even can have. so i'm giving away my camera. and trying to use my eyes instead, to take photos for the book i always had inside my brain. I always thought my photos were a way to make my moments last longer , but maybe you'd enjoy life much better if you don't see it through lenses.

i picked the shattered pieces of my camera that i smashed over and over. I couldn't look at the pictures. It's been 2 weeks without her, since i fucked everything like always. It's in my nature to ruin the prettiest and most precious things in my life. i absolutely loathe myself, the fact that i just let her walk away from me, she didn't look back at me because she knew that she left everything to be with me, and i, so simply stood against her.

it tears me apart inside to even see photographs of her because i look at her and think "wow, that used to be mine, that person was a person i thought the world of, a person i would've done absolutely anything for, and i had to do this, for her sake before mine." it's sad, really, how one minute you can have everything you've ever wanted and the next minute you could be collapsed on the floor next your broken lamp, trying to figure out if you want to be on this earth anymore because you lost the person you love to death.

i wish i could be honest and tell the world exactly how it rips my heart apart when she walked a way, but i won't because i can't blame her, it was my fault, but i had to, so i can protect her. So i'll stay silent and pray so she can heal, maybe she'll forget about me along the way but if she'll be happy again.. i would ignore the burning pain in my heart and look at her as I smile, thinking that one day i met my someone, she saw the universe that was knitted to my bones, and the amber of galaxies that glowed to life in my eyes, and i finally knew what was love supposed to feel like. Now i became colorblind with a dull face and empty eyes because the moon split in half and the stars crumbled, falling like fireworks into the sea, as i watched my world fall apart when my love left me.

Right now she might be asleep, but oh how i wish i was there, stroking her back and running my fingers threw her hair. Our legs tangled together underneath the sheets, as i gently trace my fingers along her lips counting each and every eyelash. And there's so many things i would say to her, about how much i would make make plans for just her and me. And how when i look at her, i see the person who makes me realize all the things i wanted for so long. But I know she's asleep and miles away thinking that i don't want her when even my bones burn and my arms search for you, and the thought of her walk right into my veins.

But i promise you lia, that through my tears now that damped my cheeks, soaking my pillows as i lay here trying to fall asleep, i will remember your small room, the feel of you, the light in the window, your records, your books. Our morning coffee our noons and our nights...

I promise i'll search for you in crowds, empty fields and soaring clouds. In city lights and passing cars on winding roads and wishing stars. I would wonder where you would be even if it was years that i haven't said your name out loud, And even longer since i called you mine.. time would pass for us. I'll be living without you but not the thought of you, and believe me, i won't mind you living in my head because i'll always love you anyhow.

if fate never got us back together in this life, i hope you come to me in another, in a face i may not seen, with a voice i may not have heard, i would still know you. Even if centuries separated us, I would still feel you. Somewhere between the sand and the stardust, through every collapse and creation, there is a pulse that echoes of you and i.

I saw the breaking of your heart through your eyes, that sadness that drowned your green orbs and your eyebrows furrowed. The way you were battling yourself like you didn't want to believe, oh how much i wished i didn't have to do it, to let you go.. but trust me i had to.. maybe our love was so strong for this earth.. before a poor excuse of a human destroyed us..

You sounded like you were about to cry. But then you took that deep breath and walked away.. i wish if we can have five more minutes, we don't have to talk, just to let our eyes get lost once more, so i can really show you my love..

as waterfalls tears drowned me in the thoughts of you.. This isn't really the end of our story, for we will meet one day. You'll know it's me when you feel as loved as you did while looking in my eyes, they'll always hold love for you, only for you.

_______________________________________

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐮𝐩𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥

✯𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐟 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫, 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐛𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤?

𝐢 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐟. 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐟 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐣𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐲, 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐬. 𝐈 𝐬𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐨..𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞. ♡︎♡︎

𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭.