82. Paris Wills, Age 16, October 20, 2019

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Around 7 AM, Sabina and I hop into a Neo minivan driven by one of the nurses. André's doctor cleared him for visitors, and the hospital is a few minutes away. It's the first time either of us have left Neo since we arrived.

Once we reach the hospital, the nurse ushers us into André's room and waits outside. André lays hauntingly still on the bed, a deep indigo bruise across his neck. He must've hanged himself.

Inching closer, Sabina and I sit on opposite side's of the hospital bed. I clutch André's hand and he grips mine, comforted by my touch.

We sit quietly for a while, unsure what to say. Finally, Sabina breaks the silence.

"What happened?"

It's visibly painful for André to speak, his mouth forming a sturdy frown and his eyes blinking away tears. To ease the discomfort, André squeezes my hand tight. It hurts, but I don't mind if it helps him feel better.

"Remember when I asked you two what the greatest moment of your life was?"

We nod.

"I told Dr. Cole about it at yesterday's therapy session."

André pauses and motions for the glass of water on the end table. Sabina grabs it and brings the cup to André's lips. He sips from the straw, forcing himself to swallow despite the throbbing.

"What'd she say?" Sabina prompts.

"She asked if I thought I'd ever have a new greatest moment."

André pauses again, this time to keep himself from crying.

"I told her no."

The tears finally break from André's eyes and he lets out a jarring wail that shakes me to my core. Sabina grabs a tissue and wipes his eyes clean, but the tears don't stop pouring.

"How can you say that? Once you leave Neo, you'll experience so many amazing moments, it'll be impossible for you to pick which one's the greatest."

"But what if I don't?" André shouts as loud as he possibly can, cutting Sabina short.

Lowering his voice to a dull, scratchy mumble, André continues, "What if I can't be the golden boy my parents want me to be?"

"So what?" I chime in, pressing my palm firmly into his, "You're so much more than what your parents expect of you. You're funny, warm, and have a way of lifting our spirits no matter what. I'm always happy when I'm in your company. That's such a gift, André."

A small, albeit notable, smile graces André's lips, and I can only hope that he believes me.

"I should've told you two how I was feeling instead of bottling it up inside. I'm sorry."

Sabina grabs André's free hand and we both hold him tightly, a silent assurance of our forgiveness.

Now I understand how Gray must've felt. It was wrong of me to shut him out. I thought I was doing Gray a favor, but I was only keeping him from me. He wants to help me, just like I want to help André. Except, I can't help André if he's not honest with me. Gray can't help me if I'm not honest with him either.

"Then I promise. No more secrets."

I promised Gray no more secrets, and I mean it.

***

"You made out in the call booth?!" Sabina exclaims, letting out an exaggerated gasp.

"It's not a big deal!" I yell, unable to contain my laughter.

"Maybe not for you," André chimes in with a sarcastic eye roll.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I question, folding my arms in front of my chest.

"I think what André's trying to say is that some of us aren't quite as...experienced as you."

"Experienced? I have no idea what you mean!"

"Don't play dumb, Paris!" André chastises with a muddled laugh, trying hard not to focus on the pain.

"Are you a virgin?" Sabina blurts out, biting her lip as she awaits a response. André remains silent, curious to hear the answer too. I turn my head, hoping my refusal to answer will force them to move on.

It doesn't.

"Fine! I'm not a virgin."

Sabina squeals and André says, "At least one of us is getting laid."

Just then, André's parents storm in, and our gleeful snickering halts.

André's eyes go dim, and the same nervous feeling that afflicted me earlier returns.

"What're you doing here?" André mumbles to his parents. They completely ignore Sabina and I, strutting right passed us without even introducing themselves.

"That place told us wha you did! How could you do this again?" André's father shouts, referring to Neo. André shrinks from his father's words, helpless under his crushing thumb.

"I...I..."

"Save it! I'm tired of your selfish, attention-seeking stunts!" André's mother roars with a sourness that stings her son and brings him close to tears.

"Excuse me?"

"Sabina," I hiss, trying to stop her. She ignores me, directing the burning anger in her eyes to André's aghast mother.

"Your son just tried to kill himself and the first thing you do is yell at him?"

André's father tries to intervene, but Sabina shuts him up.

"Listen, both of you! Do you see the bruises on your son's neck? That's not an attention-seeking stunt. That's an act of desperation!"

"You shut your mouth little girl! You don't even know my son!" André's mother spurts, her hand trembling with fury. I gulp, fearing she may slap Sabina.

"I know that he feels suffocated by you!"

My suspicions were correct. André's mother's hand rises into the air, but I pull her back before she can slap Sabina.

"Get your hands off my wife!"

Following André's father's instruction, I let go and stand back. Sabina shivers, unsure what to do. We all look to André, who is stunned speechless.

"Sabina! Paris!"

We turn to the sharp sound of the nurse's voice calling for us. Hastily, Sabina and I rush out of André's hospital room and stand outside.

"What were you two thinking?"

"We were protecting our friend," Sabina explains to the nurse, refusing to back down. Despite my nerves surrounding the hostile situation with André's parents, I nod.

"Well, between us, they needed to hear what you had to say."

The nurse winks and Sabina and I can't help but smile, feeling our actions were justified. Now, we can only hope that we helped André's parents understand their son's pain.

 Now, we can only hope that we helped André's parents understand their son's pain

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