I am a Riddle | Draco Malfoy, 18+

T h i r t y - t h r e e,

This chapter contains scenes of self-harm and emotional trauma. Please read with caution.

______

Six months.

Six horrible, heartbreaking months had now passed since he decided to leave me, since he made a choice that affected the both of us, without me — since he broke my heart into an infinity of pieces without once looking back,

He left, that chilly, pouring night, six months ago and yet to this day — I can't spare him one single thought without my tears falling, my breath leaving ceasing lungs, my heart aching even more,

He left, and he never came back, he never sent me a letter, he never spoke a word, for six months, one hundred and eighty-two days — without nothing, and every day that went by, that I didn't get to see him, to touch him, to feel him, drowned me even further,

I was dying within the barrier of my own skin, and only he could save me,

The first days passing after he went — I didn't sleep, talk, cry. I simply shifted utterly numb, my emotions had no touch with reality, and I couldn't grasp the fact that he wasn't here anymore. It was as if he only were to be gone for a little while, similar to what he used to do, disappear for a few days at a time, but this was different, because the days turned to weeks, and the weeks became months, yet still no sign from him,

The torture graced graver, my mind darker, my body weaker, and before it was too late, before my sorrows had the possibility of killing me — Blaise and Narcissa agreed for me to spend time with her, at the manor, in his childhood home, because nothing else was bearable, being here, in school, in the castle where we fell in love was too much,

He was gone, Luna was dead, and Blaise—, he turned just as vein as I did when his best friend disappeared and the look of me being here without Draco was too much for him as well, none of us managed with the truth of Draco not being here,

Narcissa brought me to their home, keeping me safe and sound for over a month; she took me in with open arms, she cared for me, looked after me, comforted me, she did everything possible for me to feel better, to be better in a world without her son in it,

But still, with her caring and her support, my life was complete hell — some days I didn't have the strength to get out of bed, because all I wanted and all I craved for was him, the one person I could not have,

The boy who left me,

His mother's heart broke with mine — she knew why he left, and so did I; eventually, after weeks of tries, I finally convinced her to tell me, to enlighten me to why Draco left with his father and the answer to that question was enough for me to wish I never asked,

Flashback,

Narcissa held close to me on the couch in front of the fireplace, the motherly fingers brushed through my hair, and yet again, all my mind sought to think about was him. Tears pooled by the love that kept haunting me, a quiet sniff left my throat as I tried to hide it, but she noticed it without question, '' Are you alright, dear?'' Narcissa asked, her voice calm, her fingers stopped stroking, she slightly bent over, eyes reaching for mine,

I shook my head, my face turned in a grimace, my shaking hands sought to wipe the salty liquid off my cheeks, but to no use, they kept falling, always, '' I'm—,'' I sobbed, drawing my knees further up to my chest, hugging myself closely '' I'm not—,''

'' I'm not okay, Narcissa,'' - tears kept streaming, trails of cries left my quivering lips, '' He left me, and I —,''

'' And I don't know why, because none of you care to tell me—,'' My hair fell over my shoulders as my body shook violently, the pain, the hurt, the torture of my reality was too much, he was gone, and he left me here, all alone in this misery,