Under the influence

Fetus

There is something so beautiful about bringing another life into this world. Something tugs at my heart as I watch a friend handle her younger nephew. It feels as if this tiny ball of cells is something I have been yearning for.

There are few things in this universe that can make my heart simply crumble in pure vulnerability and adoration. It holds my hand gently , it's grip strong as it stares at me full of wonder and unspoken questions.

Sometimes when i am engrossed into my peaceful state of being alone , I close my eyes and place my hand on the surface of my stomach. And something inside of me melts at the feeling of my skin rising up and down as I breath , as I feel the thump of my heartbeat.

I cradle you in my arms and tears spill from my eyes because this realisation that once a upon a time my mother had too gazed upon be adoringly, has my heart aching with pure and untainted love. Did she smile at me like this too? Did her heart burst with joy as my eyes locked onto hers In a silent understanding that we now shared the same heart?

Did her heart shatter the very first time emotion dawned on me and she could clearly see the display of the first crack on my heart? I wonder what it was like when I was a fetus , when my mother first realised she was only one half of a soul.

   
                      -Liyah Smith