you're thinking about a love that wasn't meant to be

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thank u so much for 1k reads, it truly means so much to me <3 

i put a little bit of my heart into this one, it's a bit longer than usual & i do hope u enjoy ❤

lots of love x

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You lie down, your hands flowing above your head, gently resting your head upon the warm brown soil. The sun glinting in a way across your body that it feels almost heavenly. You breathe, and gently flutter your eyes closed. 

Your heart beats, mimicking the birds tweeting in the morning sky. You wish you could fly with them. Jump up and join those beautiful free songbirds. But more than that you wish you were with him.

The boy with the dark hair, the sweet smile. The boy with those gorgeous honey brown eyes. The boy so full of life and happiness that whenever you're with him you realise you don't need anyone but him. How many adventures you've had together, how you've grown up by each other's side.

He was made for you. Your soulmate. He's meant to be yours.

But as you open your eyes again, flashes of him pass through your eyes. Your first kiss. Your first love. The first person you told everything too, who you allowed to see your whole soul. But then with a tear in your heart you remember the kisses he didn't have with you.

The kisses her had with her. And her. And her.

Feelings change and you know it's not really his fault. But you can't help but feel sad. Feel grief even though you know he's still living. The pain in your heart feels so physical you question how it could possibly just be in your head.

People forget. And that's life. But you won't ever. Not him.

How he used to steal your pencils in class, steal the ribbons in your hair and pretend to wear them. The times he made you laugh so hard you'd snort out your drink. The times when he'd text and you'd go out under the stars at midnight. Where you'd call throughout the night. The whimsical, beautiful times that just reminded you of life, and filled you with such love. The way he'd look at you, a deep dimple on his face, eyes giddy. 

You lie down again, closing your eyes.

You try to feel your heartbeat again. But of course your heart was never actually beating, it was just the songbirds tweeting. You try to feel the sun again. But of course the sun was never really shining. It's only ever dark down here. You're dead. And you're not supposed to still be here but something is holding your soul back. And finally you realise, it's him.

You feel footsteps near your grave, and you know it's him. You feel him.

You hear a quiet wheeze as he lies down next to your grave. As if you're both lying down next to each other right now, like you used to do when you were children.

He coughs hard, and then he speaks. An old wizened voice and you realise it's been decades since you passed.

"I always loved you." He said, and you just know he's smiling right now. Looking up at the stars like you would do every night together. You want nothing more then to go up there with him, but you can't.

You feel water dripping upon your face and you realise his tears have soaked through the soil. You wonder how that's possible, but then you realise it has to be his soul that's crying.

Slowly you feel yourself being released from the dark entrails of the ground below you. You start to rise and then you see him. Your boy. His face old and wrinkled, exhausted with age. But he still has those golden brown eyes, that beautiful little smile.

Gently you rise above him. His eyes widening in shock as he sees you. His hands trying to touch you but going through. His eyes full of love, care. Looking at you the way he did all those years ago. As if you were the only girl in the world.

"And I love you." You whisper to him.

And then something strange happens. His body disjoints from his soul and there you see the boy you fell in love with. The age he was when you died. 

You both fly up towards the sky, looking at the stars one last time. He looks at your lips, and you at his, but before you kiss you both say the same sentence at the same time.

"But we just weren't meant to be."

As if a bubble pops, he's back in his body and you're still up in the stars. You watch as a car door opens, and an old woman dodders out. She smiles at him and holds up a jacket, saying he ought to come back soon, it's cold out.

You watch him as he stands up, then he looks up at you one last time. He smiles at you, that smile you've always loved so much, his brown eyes glinting in the starlight. He takes a pink ribbon out of his pocket and ties it to his hair. A last tribute to you.

And then he waves. And you do the same. He goes back to his ordinary, wonderful life with the woman he loves. And you are finally released from the tethers of this world to go to a new one. You are finally free.

Because some things just aren't meant to be.

And that's okay.

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