I have only been sitting against my door for about a minute before I heard a knock. I jump, shocked by the sudden noise. I thought I was alone. I quickly force myself to silence my sobs and wipe the tears from my cheeks.
"Y-yes?" I manage to speak. My breathing is still hitched and short, but I do my best to hide it.
"Hey. Are you okay?" I hear Steve's voice say from behind the door. I can hear the concern in his tone, and it makes me feel guilty for slamming the door in his face. I take a deep breath before responding.
"Y-yeah. I'm fine." the shakiness is far too obvious in my voice.
"Can I come in?" he asks calmly. I don't want him to see me like this, but I don't know how to say no, so I cautiously open the door.
Steve takes one look at me and his eyebrows furrow in concern. He walks to me and embraces me in a warm hug. At first, I didn't know how to react, I haven't received a lot of hugs. But his hold on me told me to trust him. I wrap my arms around his back and hug him back. He pulls back and looks at me.
"What happened?" He asks, leading me to sit on my bed, he sits next to me.
"I-I- umm." I try to respond but my breathing is still hitched. He puts his hand on my knee in a comforting way.
"It's ok, just breath." His voice is so calm and soothing, I must look like a wreck.
"Well, where I learned to fight...doesn't exactly bring back happy memories."
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." He said, looking at the ground. I place my hand on his, giving him reassurance.
"No, no, it wasn't your fault. This happens a lot, I'm kinda used to it at this point." Steve looks back at me.
"I'm sorry. Just know that if this ever happens again, you can talk to me."
"Thanks but...I don't feel like talking about it right now." Steve wraps his arm around me and leans back on my pillows, gently pulling me back with him. I rest my head on his chest as his hand slowly rubs my back in a soothing motion.
"That's ok. We can just lay here until you feel ok again." I relax into his hold more at his words. I hear his heartbeat as I lay on his chest, and I feel my heart slow at the sound of the tempo.
We just lay there in silence for about 30 minutes before I felt ready to move on.
I slowly sit up, despite how comfortable I am. Steve follows my actions, sitting up and looking at me as if asking what now? I sigh,
"I should probably unpack the rest of my stuff."
"I'll help you." Steve gets up and starts opening the cardboard boxes littering my room. I give him a quick smile.
"Thanks."
As I'm going through another box of clothes when I pull out my old belt, the emblem still a bright red. My fingers caress the metal buckle and I push away the rush of anxiety threatening to overwhelm me. Steve must have noticed how quiet I got because when I turned around he was looking at the belt I held in my hands. I quickly shove it back into the box.
"Umm-I" I start but I can't think of an explanation, an excuse.
"Is that why you don't like to talk about your past?" asks Steve, surprisingly calm. Did he know what that symbol meant? Oh my god, he knows, he knows, what I've done, who I am...what I am. I just stare at him nervously, unable to form words. He takes a step towards me and back away. He looks at me with a mixture of confusion, sadness, and pity. I didn't need to look at him to know he was judging me. I felt a slight bit a fear, not knowing what he was going to do.
"Vanessa doesn't back away from me like that, I'm not going to hurt you." I felt a slight bit of ease at his words, but that just left me more confused.
"Well, what are you going to do?" I ask, sheepishly. My fists clench out of habit. He takes another step towards me and comfortingly grabs my arm with his hand. I flinch.
"I want to help you." Steve is looking at me in the eyes.
"I don't want your pity, Steve. I don't need it." I say, pulling away from his hold. I grab the box that holds my belt and the rest of my uniform and walks to my door.
"Vanessa, stop!" Steve yell startles me and I look back at him.
"I'm not pitying you. I just want to help you, because I care about you." He sternly looks at me as he says this. I feel a sense of comfort at his words, but immediately remember what happened to people that care for me. I hold back my tears as I look at him.
"Well don't."
YOU ARE READING
Damaged Goods
Fanfiction"I'll always remember you." Vanessa has been on the run from the Red Room academy ever since she was taken by hydra right before her graduation. With both organizations after her, she has been living a nomad's life, constantly moving. The fear that...
