Overthinking

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Sometimes I build so many things in my head that I'm like, ''Am I normal?'' or ''Am I too much?''. Now at least I can say those things here.

I think I'm an over thinker. OK no. I am an over thinker. But you know, if I want to dream, I have to think a minimum. People who think a lot are smarter. Did you know? So I don't see what's the problem, besides maybe stressing me totally for nothing. Perhaps everybody feels the same. Perhaps not. But honestly, I overthink everything. It is sometimes exhausting. You know when you're going somewhere mundane like, maybe, school and you are constantly wondering if you have something on your face or if your hair is messy. And I'm not just talking about appearance! When you want to speak in front of a few more people than usual and you're afraid to stutter even though it never happened in your life, asking yourself if it's your turn to talk even with your friends, being afraid of falling while simply crossing the street or literally being stressed about being you.

Sad, isn't it? Pathetic maybe. At least I'm never bored with all these thoughts. I can stay in bed for hours just thinking about all those things that capsize in my head. It's worse in front of a mirror. I can look at myself and create wonderful or horrible scenarios. The beautiful ones make me hope while the awful ones make me want to cry. It makes me wonder if I do enough, if I am enough. And sometimes I end up actually crying while staring at my own face.

I guess those thoughts of mine keep you busy too since you're still here. Or maybe you just understand me. I'm sure you do. The look in your eyes as you carefully read every word I've put down for you confirm the understanding that I knew you had. Thank you for listening to me.

I think, if we were in real life, like really, you would be the reason for my overthinking. I would so like to look good in front of you that it would make me lose all sense. I would probably stutter for real. I could court and charm you with rose water words to end up, in a near or distant future, by charming ourselves under the covers. But let's stay realistic, at least for now, to dream later. We might not see each other now, but maybe someday we could end up in the same story together.

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