I'm still here.. I haven't seen you in a while. I've missed you.
I feel sick y/n.
I don't think I'll ever have someone that cares about me, or a family. I'm drained. I had so many dreams of what I wanted to be accomplish once I got to this age. Now I have no motivation or drive to do anything. What's the point anyways? Nothing to work towards. I don't think anyone will truly understand me. I don't need money, I'm set on that.. but I don't want to spend the rest of my life hidden away in an apartment staring at a wall. Based on the way I'm going right now, that's what's going to happen. I truly don't see anything improving anytime soon. I stay up all night staring at my ceiling, the only thing that calms me is going to the astronomy tower and looking at the stars as the cold breeze brushes past me. But now I'm at the manor, so I can't do that. You have no idea how lonely it is here. It's dark, it's cold, it's horrible.
Any happiness in the world it sucks away.
I can't stay here.
I mentally cannot do it to myself.
I need to leave, tonight.
I have my broomstick, but I'm not allowed to use magic technically if I leave my house.
So if I go, I won't be able to ever come back. I'll be expelled from Hogwarts, my parents won't let me back in the house. I have around 1000 galleons accessible to me right now. That should buy me some time.
Please help me.
Fuck.
I have to go.
I need to go now.
I'm back..
I'm in Diagon alley on an empty park bench. My parents will be noticing my absence right around now. They will notify the daily profit, and they will search for me for a couple hours.. then eventually give up. I have no where to go y/n, but I can't go back to that place, I can't do it.
It's Christmas Eve, and I'm sitting on a dirty park bench alone.
No one will even give a shit that I'm gone..
You have to understand y/n.
Hogwarts is a better place without me in it.
I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve anything.
Writing to you is excruciating. That's why I've held back on it. I feel like it's the universe paying me back for all the awful things I've done, all the people I've hurt. It gave me exactly what I've always wanted, but I can never have.
That might be the coldest thing the universe can do to a person.
You see, I made a choice, I've been making all the wrong choices my entire life.
The world seems too dark to even dream in color.
You should go to sleep. I don't want to bombard you with my
Oh
Hi.
I see you again.
Sorry.. it's just
Please find a way to get to me.
I need you right now.
Goodnight,
Draco Malfoy.
