heavenly ✓

𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 31

☆𝚊𝚕𝚎𝚡𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝚙𝚘𝚟☆

it's been about a year... summer came way faster than i thought, but it took so long to come at the same time.

A year that i buried myself in the company, i became a workaholic, a man with no life outside work. she was my life. i worked hard until i don't have to introduce myself. i lift the company up, got rid of all tje debts and dirty contracts my dad ever made. but she didn't leave me, not even for a days.

We say shit like 'i don't care anymore,..' when we're fucking tired and at the end of our fucking ropes. Arguing over the same shit is tiring. Repeating ourselves over and over- and trying to come up with new clever ways to get everyone to understand where we're coming from- is tiring. It's not that we don't care anymore... it's that we don't have the energy anymore to show that we do.

each night i saw the moon, a promise i'll see her soon, and i swear i'll burn in the burning sun if it meant embracing her again, or even touching her hand.

i regret the end, the way we couldn't love one another without wounds, the way we made it seem as if all the love we shared was wasted time. But i couldn't stay with you, i couldn't keep holding you. There's things that are so important to you that i couldn't take, i had to let you go, only hoping that we'll meet again and try fixing things.

maybe one day we'll meet again and explain to each other what really happened. maybe one day we'll finally understand. until then, i hope you live your best life, and i hope you really do all the things you always you wanted to do.

i fucking miss you everyday, and i love you even more.. knowing that i hurt you, completely breaks me.. You're my waking thought and my sweet dreams, and everything in between.

i don't know what to say to you except that  it tore the heart out of my body saying goodbye to you. i was prepared but it still hurt.

it hurts like hell when you know that you need to let go of someone but you can't, because you're still waiting for the impossible to happen.

I remember crying over you and I don't mean a couple tears.. i'm talking about collapsing and screaming at the moon. Smashing my room and destroying my stuff. there's no day that pass without me crying for you, even if no one knows. But nights are the most tough, especially before falling asleep.

i loved you so much, that i don't think it's possible to get attached this much. i still push everyone else because they aren't you. Sometimes you meet someone, and it's so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends..or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you're in love or you'ee partners in crime. You meet these people through your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don't know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something.

it's so hard for me to put into words, because i love you in ways i never loved someone else. it's like-

"Alexander" said lucas barging in my office.

"what's wrong lucas?" i asked.

"it's my freaking graduation tomorrow!!!" he exclaimed excitedly.

"yeah i know. and don't worry i emptied my schedule for you."

will she be there? if she was.. am i ready to talk to her again? i don't have my dad to control me again. i should-

"stop spacing out man!!! i know you miss her but comes on" groaned Lucas.

"have you talked to her lately?"

"i shouldn't be telling you since she's my bestfriend, but you were my beastie before her... so euhm yhh i have." he mumbled.

"how is she? is she happy? or eating well? doing good?" i threw my questions at him.

"she survived you.. it's been a year, and she still talks about you like you put the stars in the sky. You really meant something to her.... and yeah she's doing amazing."

"i was the weak one lucas. i couldn't protect her enough to stay. i was a fucking pussy, but you know i'd do it again. i would never risk her for me"

"i know.. i'm glad that the motherfucker is finally in prison. he deserves it."

"he fucking did. i'll always be thankful for you helping me collect enough evidence of everything he stole and participated in."

" you should fix things between you too. You should talk to her and explain everything that happened. maybe then, you won't keep repeating the things that she said to you in your head" Lucas told me.

"i will. and if it didn't work, i'll die trying. i can never be with anyone but her. she ruined every single thing for me and i'd never complain, because with her only, i feel complete... you know?"

"yeah i definitely know. My Elodie has me wrapped around her pinkie amd she fucking know it, i'm not complaining either" i chuckled at him, but it sounded pained, not from the heart.

"it'll be hard. but she's worth everything." i sighed, smiling of the mere thought of her.

" you never stopped. did you?" he asked.

"never. i didn't even for once question it. you can say i fell even more."

"strange isn't it?" i continued.

"what is" Lucas responded

"how you can be desperately in love with someone even when you haven't spoken to or even seen them for years. I think it's incredible how despite the distance between two people, you'll never stop loving them. That's how love works i suppose, you either love them forever or you never love them to begin with. love doesn't leave just because the person does. " i voiced out loud what i've been thinking for long.

" i can clearly see that on your bloody knuckles. you really should stop punching things because you miss her." he sighed.

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𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐠𝐨 𝐨𝐧 𝐚 𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞, 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜, 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫, 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝'𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞..