Save Myself // Larry Stylinson

Chapter 16

Chapter 16: XVI

Summary:

I listened to a lot of City and Colour while writing this chapter, and Louis' song is What Makes a Man?

Listen, listen, listen!

Next update will probably not be for ages (I know I said that last time, but I wrote this whole bloody chapter in a day), but I mean it for real this time. It's almost time for round two of Ed Sheeran in Montreal and IM EXCITED.

Thank you, as always, you're all the best <3
Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

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Louis heard a knock on his door. He paused his reading briefly to contemplate his options. He could call out and see who it was, but he didn't feel like risking it. He didn't feeling embarrassing himself by opening his mouth. He glanced at the door. He could also have gotten up and silently opened it, giving himself the power to slam it if he didn't like who was on the other side.

But the most attractive option was for him to stay exactly as he was on the floor, surrounded by Bukowski and his other favourites. He didn't actually want to talk to anyone. He had too much to work through. Which was stupid, because shouldn't he be old hat when it came to being disappointed at this point?

He stared at the page, eyes flitting across the words, but he wasn't absorbing them. He just kept hearing his mother over and over as she crushed his dreams. He felt like a fucking idiot. He'd let himself hope that things would be different, but she still didn't have a clue who he was. She still saw all the wrong things and he wasn't going to be able to change that.

The knock came again, but he didn't change his resolve. He stayed planted on the floor, his body facing away from the door and his books attempting to act as a make-shift sanctuary.

It had been hours, now, since he'd been brought back down to earth with his mother's words. Since they'd made that brief second of eye contact as she'd tried to convince his sister--his only ally in this house--that he was shit. She obviously didn't care that he'd heard. If they had been any other family in the world, she'd would have sought him out to apologize or explain herself, but they were strangers. She'd let him walk away. Of course she had and he had no reason to expect differently of her.

Two hours ago, he might have been stupid enough to let himself hope that it was her knocking on his door, and he might have even opened it, too. But now? Now he knew the truth about everything. Now he'd been reminded of exactly how the world saw him, so fuck that. He wasn't going to answer the door. He was done putting himself out there into the world. What a stupid mistake that had been in the first place.

The knock came again. He contemplated just asking them to leave, but he couldn't stand the possibility of listening to his own weak voice telling whoever it was to sod-off. It was probably Lottie, anyway, and he needed time. He'd be ready to face her soon enough, but right then, he wasn't.

"Lou?"

Well, that wasn't Lottie's or his mother's voice. It was Harry. Harry was standing outside of his bedroom, and Louis didn't have a clue what to do with this information.

He didn't respond. He just stared at the book in his hands blankly. Harry's voice came again, along side a softer knock.

"Lou, I'm going to come in, okay?"

"Okay," he finally responded.

Harry opened the door slowly and walked into the room, closing it softly behind him. Louis turned around to face him.