Hidden (Avengers x reader)

Gone

I was on my knees with my face in my hands. I felt someone's arms surround me and hold me. I leaned into them. I honestly didn't care who it was I just needed to be held.

I looked up at Nat as she started to help me up. I was still trembling but I had stopped crying. My face my still red and puffy but a blank expression lay there. Nat helped me to my room and she put me in the shower. I sat in the warm water letting all the dirt and blood wash off me. When all was washed away several cuts were revealed.

I finished the shower and wrapped myself in a towel. I sat on the cool bathroom floor and just stared at the wall. I heard a knock on the door and Nat opened the door and placed a change of clothes on the bathroom counter. Once the door was closed, I stood and changed. I ruffled the towel in my hair but I didn't brush it.

I stared at myself in the mirror. My face was still red but the tears had been washed away. My y/h/c was mostly back except for the black near the tips. I stared at myself for a while. I honestly didn't even recognize myself. I wasn't a scared teenager anymore. I wasn't a child who couldn't do anything but run and hide. I was grown ass woman who could do things for herself.

I walked out of the bathroom and saw that my room was empty. I walked to my door and opened it. When I looked to the left I see a few of the team in a corner talking. The right was clear. I closed my door behind me and walked down the hall to the right. I reached the third door on the right and I stood in front of it. I meant to reach for the knob but I couldn't move. I heard rustling and looked to see someone walking towards me. I don't think I could handle any human interaction today. I swiftly opened the door went into the room and locked the door behind me. I turned, my back leaning against the door.

I hear muffled talking. "Y/n? It's Steve... I just wanted to let you know that i'm here if you want to talk, or if you just want someone to sit with"

I didn't respond. "Ok uhm I just want to say i'm so sorry. He was a good kid."

His footsteps get quieter as I stayed against the door. The tears started to well up in my eyes again. I stood and walked over to the bed in the middle of the room. I ran my hands over the sheets and then laid down in them. I wrapped myself in the blankets and pushed my head against the pillow. It smelled like him. I smiled as I cried myself to sleep.

The next morning I woke up early. I was having a hard time sleeping and I kept having nightmares. I stood from the bed and walked around his room, going through drawers and cabinets. I found some of his clothes and I put on a sweatshirt he had. It was a few sizes to big but I didn't care, it was his. I sat at his desk and opened some drawers. As I opened the top drawers I almost a small envelope. I lifted it from the drawer and opened it to reveal a letter.

My name is Eli. I don't have a last name really but I wanted to write this in case I died. I know it's not a normal thing to really do but my life is not exactly normal. I am on the run from Hydra and i'm afraid that at some point they're going to find me. If they do find me, I would honestly rather die then go back with them. They made me a murder machine and that wasn't me. It's my first night here in my own room at Stark Tower. I don't think most of the people here like me but I know Y/n does. She's the one who advocates for me and helps me. I've known her for a long time and she's like a sister to me. I owe my life to her. She brought me back. Anyways I was writing this to one: tell you what to do if I die. So if I die please don't mourn me for too long. Move on. I want to be buried in Virginia near the barn. There's a small cemetery not far from it. Keep it small, only friends ( I don't have any family haha). Anyways the other reason i'm writing this is to thank Y/n. If you're reading this Y/n first off I know you so don't blame yourself for any of this. I love you so much and you changed my life and made me who I am. If i'm being honest, you saved my life. This letter is being written as a just in case type thing so chances are, it won't ever be read. Just stay strong and be strong. Be badass. Live your life. I'm a survivor, I fought for my entire life, I had to revival. Don't waste your life, Arise.

My hand lifted to my face and I dried a singular tear. I had at avenge him. I knew that it was important to do him justice but I knew a funeral was needed first. I put my head into the sweatshirt and took in a deep breath. I could do this. I opened a laptop and started finding things for the funeral. I set a date and sent out invitations.

After that I just sat in the bed. I scrolled through my cracked phone, looking at the pictures I had. Quite a few of the pictures I had were from the last few weeks. I had to essentially teach Eli about phone and pictures but the pictures I got from it were golden.

I didn't leave his room for days. I didn't eat and I barely slept. Every now and then people would knock on my door and try and talk to me. I answered some of them and told them I just needed to be alone and others I just ignored. I spent my time looking at pictures, going through his things, staring into space, or rereading the letter. It felt as if there was an hole in my heart. I was going through the grief of losing him... again.