Beauty and the Beat

Beauty and the Beat (38)

I really hadn’t been looking forward to the May dance show like I had with the one in December. So many things had changed in six months and not all of them were for the better.

“Are you ready?” Maxxon asked when he saw me pacing back and forth backstage. “Are you nervous?”

I didn’t know how to answer either of those questions. I was always ready and I was never nervous, but this time was different. And I didn’t know why.

“I’m fine,” I told him, though that wasn’t exactly a proper answer for the questions he had asked me. “I’m… perfectly fine.”

What was wrong with me? It wasn’t like this dance show was any different from the one in December… except for the fact Ethan wasn’t there, but that wasn’t important. He wasn’t important.

I shouldn’t have even been thinking about him. He had nothing to do with the show and nothing to do with my life. There was no point in thinking about him any longer.

If only I didn’t have to tell myself that every single day.

“Hey,” Maxxon smiled, taking my shaking hands and stopping me from pacing. “You’re going to do great. You always do. You’re the best dancer in the entire show.”

I shook my head. “No better than you.”

“No,” he disagreed. “So much better than me and everyone else in this crappy place.”

He was right. Even after a year, most of these kids still couldn’t dance. I wasn’t even trying to be mean; it was just the truth.

I stretched up onto my toes and kissed him. He was so sweet to me, but this still didn’t help much with how nervous I felt. I hated this feeling. I absolutely despised it. It made me feel weak, and I already felt weak enough.

I just wanted this to be over with. This was the first time I hadn’t wanted to dance and it was just another feeling I hated and I didn’t feel like myself.

“Yo,” a new voice now cut in, and we turned to see Mrs. Carton standing beside us. She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “No PDA, kids.”

She had a grin on her face, so I knew she wasn’t actually angry at us. I forced myself to smile back at her. I felt like I was going to throw up.

This was the last dance show I would ever have in high school. Was that why I was acting like this? Was I afraid of all of this ending?

I tried to think as if this wasn’t my last dance show, as if I wasn’t graduating, as if I was coming back the next year. But this only made me think of all of that wasn’t true. This was my last dance show, I was graduating, and I wasn’t going to come back next year. There were only three weeks of school left and then I was done.

You’d think I should have been happy about that. After I was gone, I wouldn’t have to deal with any of these people ever again. And I was happy about that, I definitely was, but it was still a scary thought that I was going to go out into the world as an actual adult.

“What’s up, Sadie?” Mrs. Carson asked, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “You look like you’re going to be sick.”

Because I probably was going to be.

“I’m fine,” I lied.

Maxxon gave me a look. He knew I wasn’t telling the truth. He always did.

Mrs. Carson smiled again. “Well, we open in five.”

Five minutes, and then it began. And then it would be all over. And I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.