aftertaste || poetry

002 - the shower

themes: trauma, loss, grief

it's 2:30 and the lights are still on

glass windows that used to illuminate

now only seem to taunt

a reminder of when i jumped hours ago

unfamiliar faces don't seem to comfort

when they try to fix my wounds

with tea and oranges and muffins

"are you okay" sounds silly

walking on the dark moonlit road

finally met with those my soul knows

"i'm so glad you're safe" sounds assuring

i wonder if i really am

stumbling into the shower

i don't know how i got here

washing away the nightmare

let the water sober me up

waiting for a phone call

but it's never the right one

somehow i ended up on a morning show

and i still don't know where she is

energy drink mocktails

anything to pass the time

i forgot about my intolerance

a little caffeine can't hurt me more

the sun comes up

i'm told that means hope is here

what a big responsibility

given to a ball of gas

stumbling into the shower

i don't know how i got here

washing away the dirt

let the water clean my body

bodies start stirring

do they understand what happened

when they walk past

do they know i'm broken

frantic family members

dialing to make sure

"is everyone okay" sounds demanding

how am i ever going to be okay

twelve hours pass

as slowly as twelve months

i was never ready to hear it

"she's no longer with us" sounds wrong

stumbling into the shower

i don't know how i got here

washing away the tears

let the water mix with me

they come by with food

my gut tells me to vomit

how can coffee and chocolate fix anything

when the girl who loved them is gone

my homework means nothing to my head

i said i would do it in the morning

foreign equations stare at me

"i won't come to class" sounds obvious

i lay down for the first time

30 hours without sleep

will i ever get to rest again

the popcorn ceiling laughs at me

stumbling into the shower

i don't know how i got here

washing away the guilt

let the water drown my heart