𝚃𝙰𝙴𝙺𝙾𝙾𝙺 𝙾𝙽𝙴 𝚂𝙷𝙾𝚃𝚂 (𝚋𝚡𝚋)

Red Lights, Stop Signs

tags: kinda angsty, inspired by the song "driver's license" cos it's been stuck in my head for days now, very short, kind of exes tk but at the same time not really(?), i just wrote this bc im in pain, im sorry, maybe i'll write a part 2 to this idk haha, okay i'll get on with it

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He doesn't know why he's here.

Hell, he doesn't even know what the hell's he doing, but Taehyung's past the point of regretting his actions and feeling shame for doing the things he does, for loving the people he loves.

Besides, it's been months-6, to be exact.

Six months of longing and dejection, days full of waiting and nights full of wistful dreams. Where doe eyes would look into his soul, familiar hands would hold his, sturdy arms would keep him safe and make him feel loved.

Six months without him.

And now Taehyung's here, drove all the way through the suburbs to knock on his door, waiting on his doorstep-because that's all he's been doing for the longest time. Waiting.

And when the door opens to reveal her instead, his heart crumbles. Bits and pieces fall and turn into dust, slipping past his fingertips no matter how hard he tries to grasp at the remnants of his love. It leaves a hole in his chest, hollow and empty.

She's still the same, but at the same time so different. She's blonde, petite, pretty, kind. Everything that Jeongguk has ever wanted, everything that he's not.

"Hey, Tae! It's been so long, how are you? I didn't know you'd be coming by our home."

The ache in his chest only deepens, the last thread of hope snapping right in front of him, like a harsh wake up call to what reality really is. To what Taehyung had lost, but never once did possess.

To what could've been his.

He's tongue tied, mouth dried, and throat parched as he gulps. Before he could conjure up a response, his mind turns blank at the sight of Jeongguk appearing in the hallway.

He looks just as stunned as Taehyung.

"Taehyung?"

The world stops spinning around him, as if everything's just suddenly useless and parlous. It's as if the ground is collapsing beneath his feet and he can't do anything but watch. Watch as Jeongguk ushers her inside their house-their home. Watch as she nods, giving him a kiss on the cheek before she excuses herself. Watch as Jeongguk, the boy who owns his heart, the boy who had promised him forever, stands before him with wide eyes, lips parted.

"Taehyung, I-Why are you here?" His voice is quiet when he asks, as if he can't believe his eyes, as if he had forgotten that he existed. It's terribly painful when he looks at him with those eyes, like he's hopeful for something. Like he wants Taehyung to say that he's here to pick up where they left off, like he doesn't have a girlfriend waiting inside for him.

He still looks at him like he loves him.

"I got my driver's license last week, Guk." Is what he says. He breathes deeply, slow words feeling like unwanted acid in his mouth. He wants to say that he's here because he's ready, he's here to finally fulfill the forever that they've always talked about, always dreamt of.

But then again, life doesn't work the way we want it to.

"Y-Well, uhm-That's great, Tae. That's amazing. I know you'd do it someday."

"Got a new car too... the one we picked out before. You remember?"

Remember us?

"Yes, the white one?"

I remember everything.

"Mhm, that's what you wanted, wasn't it? You even said that when you first taught me how to drive, told me to drive up to your house once I got the hang of it too. Remember that, Jeongguk?"

Memories flood his mind of him, of them. Of how everything used to be, and how they both planned for what it was suppose to be. Looking back, Taehyung could laugh at how ridiculous he was for wishing for more. For even thinking that someday, some time, this would be his to have.

Jeongguk swallows, eyes dimmed. "Yeah, of course I do. I always remember you, Tae. It's nice how you remembered too.."

There's a pang in Taehyung's chest, his lungs finding it harder to breathe by the second.

Of course he'd remember. How could he ever forget? How could he ever let go of a love that was so perfectly imperfect? How could he forget the boy who wrote him love songs and taught him to love. How could he ever forget, if his dreams would only be ever filled with soft dark hair, lovely pink lips, sparkly round eyes.

Dreams will always be dreams.

"It's also nice to see that life's treating you right, Guk. You've got everything now."

Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me.

"Tae, I-" Jeongguk exhales, eyes glazing over as he sees the way Taehyung's eyes brim with unshed tears, a thousand of words swirling his mind like the constant hurricane messing up his thoughts at night. "I'm sorry, I-I really am. This isn't what I was expecting to happen. Things just-I don't know. I'm sorry, Tae. It just happened."

I was hoping for us too.

"It's okay, Jeongguk." He takes one step back as a tear falls, running down his cheek. Jeongguk looks torn apart, but Taehyung has to look down to not break right then and there. "I'm happy for you both, I really am."

His words doesn't hold much conviction anymore, not when his voice wavers and he chokes on a sob, hand over his mouth to muffle his cries.

Jeongguk can't say a word.

With that, Taehyung gathers up the last of his courage to smile one last time at him, before he turns around. Each step another awful ounce of pain, prickling at his body as he shudders and gets in his car with shaking hands.

He buckles up, starts the engine, then off he goes.

He makes a mistake by looking at Jeongguk through his rearview mirror, watching him drive away with tears in his eyes. It's all Taehyung needs to let go, to let the pain stab at his chest and numb his skin. The tears continuously stream down his face, but right now all he has in mind are the memories that he once had lived through and could never be relived now that Jeongguk's gone.

Maybe one day, he'd find a love that would last. A love that was his to have.

But right now, as he drives past the street of the boy who would forever be a lost love to him, all alone and broken, he'd still wish it was them after it all. Because even though they were both nowhere near perfect, what they shared would never be replaceable. And if he listened closely, he'd still hear his voice amidst the traffic, amidst the wretched sobs and the sullen thoughts running through his skull.

Cause you said forever now I drive alone past your street.

Maybe in their next life, forever would be theirs.

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word count: 1257

well,,, that was pretty awful.

i am literally writing this right now with driver's license blasting through my earphones and destroying my eardrums,, so i hope you liked this!!!

sorry for the angst

vote and comments are very very much appreciated :)

love you!