Always Been You

See You Soon

Finals Week. The week everyone dreads in college. The only way I'm getting through this week is by reminding myself vacation is right around the corner. I have two final projects and two actual finals. I have not left the library in about...five hours now. I think I'm starting to lose my shit. My eyes are exhausted from outlining several chapters. I'm at my usual spot in the library internally crying. Nicole and Jacob were also here, but sitting in different spots. I walk over to them to ask if they wanted anything from the cafè. Nicole shook her head without even looking up from her textbook. Jacob looked up at me with a blank expression and groaned in frustration. "I'll come with you, I NEED a break."

We take the elevator to the first floor, which directly opened up in front of the cafè. I wait in line as Jacob heads over to the printer to grab his study guide. My eyes scan the list of items available today. I've been trying not to drink too much caffeine, but I really need a good coffee today. Or maybe I should get a muffin instead. I don't know. I'm indecisive. I still have a few more seconds to think about this before it's my turn to order. "Dude," Jacob pops up in front of me. "Kyle is sitting right by the printer. With Kylie." I swear my eyes rolled all the way inside my skull. We haven't spoken since I showed up at his frat house. I wasn't mad about it though. I guess just a little disappointed because somewhere deep down I wanted him to be someone who he clearly wasn't. I didn't tell anyone about that incident though. I fill Jacob in once I get my order. We purposely take the stairs so we could walk by the printer. I only wanted to get a look at what they were up to, but Kylie caught my eye. 

"Kristina!" Kylie calls me over. I awkwardly smile and walk over to her. Kyle notices me from a distance and turns his head the other way. "Hey Kylie," I say. She turns her laptop towards me. "I was just working on the group project! You and Tyler did so much of it, I feel awful, but I've been super busy." I was politely nodding, but in my head, I could see through her bullshit. She goes on and on about what she did and tried to convince me she contributed greatly. "Yeah, it all looks good. I talked to the professor about our ideas too, and it seemed to work," I tell her. In between our conversation, I saw Kyle look over a few times. "Cool. Thanks, Kristina! Good luck with your finals," she waves goodbye. I smile and wish her the same. As I was turning around, I heard Kyle call my name. He gets up and walks in front of Jacob and me. Poor Jacob had been standing there just observing.

"Hi," he says. "Hey," I reply back. He looks like he wants to say something but kept hesitating. He looked over at Jacob and then back at me. "Hey dude, do you mind if I talk to her for a few minutes?" he asks. Jacob gestures for him to continue, and takes our food downstairs. We walk over to the lounge area in front of the library. "How are you doing? I know we left things off at a weird spot," he comments. "Uh... I've been okay. Good, actually. Just stressed. You?," I look down at the ground. "Good to hear. I've been really busy with the frat. You know the usual." I nod my head. "I've been meaning to talk to you, about everything," he says to me. He avoids eye contact when he says that. "Why didn't you? I mean you clearly noticed the weird moment we had. You say you care about me but didn't even bother to check up on me? It says a lot about how you truly feel about me," is what I wish I had said. At the moment, I didn't utter a single word. I let him go on about how he had a lot going on and he really did miss me, blah blah blah.  

He truly got my attention when he said, "I think we should give us a shot." This was not the time to put this in my head right now. He takes my hand and rests it on his. "I... Um... Sorry, I don't know what to say, my headspace is just.." my voice trails off. "I get it. Take your time. When I saw you, I just felt the urge to put it out there." It's so annoying that he has such a nice face because I fail to say anything.

I told him that we can talk about it after finals week is over. I can NOT spend time thinking about this. I go back to my desk. Jacob and Nicole were standing by my stuff waiting for me. I'm pretty sure Jacob filled her in on everything. "Okay, we can't talk about this here," I tell them.