✔Touch Starved [Taekook]

11

TW: MENTION OF SELF HARM / CHILD NEGLECT / ABUSE

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"Taehyung!" Jungkook said making the older jump as soon as he entered the dorm. After Jungkook's small panic attack Taehyung had gone to spend some time with Jimin. Giving Jungkook time alone. Jungkook had waited for him to come back to the dorm. "Sit. Sit." Jungkook muttered patting his bed.

Taehyung complied as he gave Jungkook a quizzical look. "What is it?"

"I... Wanna tell you the full reason that... That I don't like being touched." Jungkook said as he took a few deep breaths. Taehyung was surprised at this as he waited for Jungkook to start speaking. "Can... Can you maybe not... Not look at me?" 

Taehyung chuckled as he looked away and the pair say in silence for a few minutes. He could hear Jungkook's unsteady breathing from his side of the bed. Taehyung knew how hard it must be for Jungkook to share that piece of his life, he was grateful for Jungkook trusting him with the thought. "Do you want me to start?" He offered.

"Huh?" Jungkook questioned. So immersed in his own thoughts of trying to summon the courage to speak he didn't quite understand what Taehyung meant.

"I... There is a reason I'm clingy as well. Only Jimin knows. If you want, I can share first." Taehyung muttered looking back over to the younger. His doe eyes still glistening although he wasn't crying. 

Jungkook nodded as he held out Winston for Taehyung to hold. The older smiling as he took the owl. "He helps... I can't explain it." He said finally cracking a smile. 

Taehyung thanked him as he held Winston and began talking. "Uh... My parents... Never... Never held me." He paused as he didn't hear a response from Jungkook. "I mean, they didn't kiss me goodnight. They didn't hug me when they said goodbye. I never got any sort of physical affection from them."

Jungkook scooted a little closer to Taehyung, flashing him a reassuring smile as he wiped away his own tears. 

"I grew up mostly independent. I cooked for myself and rode my bike to school. The only thing I did around my parents was sleep at their house. I met Jimin pretty early on in primary school. I looked up to him actually. Now I see him as my equal but back then he was everything I wanted. He was popular and had plenty of friends and a loving family." Taehyung smiled as he thought of all the memories he and Jimin had together. "But he was the one that introduced me into... physical contact. Not in a sexual way. But just that it was a normal part of life."

"Yeah... I can understand that." Jungkook hummed.

Taehyung continued. "And I saw how touchy he is with his family. And that's when I realized my home life wasn't normal. I started wanting more attention from my parents. But I never got it. So that's when I started becoming clingy. Because I thought that if I couldn't get attention from them, I'd get it elsewhere. So I did... And I've been clingy ever since." Taehyung finished with another awkward chuckle. 

"I appreciate you telling me," Jungkook said brushing his fingertips over Taehyung's hand. It was brief but enough to make Taehyung give him a genuine smile. "So... Uh, guess it's my turn now? Wow..."

"Take your time."

Jungkook took a few more deep breaths. "You know how I mention that Namjoon and Jin are kinda like my parents and guardians?" He mumbled and got a nod from Taehyung. "Well, it's because... Because... Uhm... Do you want to know why I wear long sleeves?" Jungkook struggled to form a sentence but held his arm out for Taehyung. "Pull back the sleeve..."

Taehyung hesitantly reached for the black fabric covering Jungkook's forearm. Tugging at it until he could see what Jungkook was talking about. His eyes widening looking at the fading scars that littered Jungkook's arm. "Jungkook..."

"My real parents were... They were abusive... Ever since I was young I never experienced any loving touch." Jungkook sniffled as he wiped off his face, pulling his sleeves down again.

"Jungkook I-..." Taehyung reached forward but stopped himself. Looking down in his lap he saw the blue owl plush. Passing it over to Jungkook letting the younger hug the owl close. He could only imagine how hard it was for Jungkook to open up, remembering things in the past were hard. But he couldn't stand the younger's red nose and puffy cheeks.

Jungkook finally continued after another minute of catching his breath. "So one day after my dad got particularly mad at me when I was twelve, I ran away... That's when I ran into Namjoon. He kinda took me in, that's why I view Ami as my sister. Living with Namjoon was great but my parents weren't exactly out of the picture. I considered ending it at one point, Jin convinced me to stay."

"Well, I'm glad you are here now," Taehyung assures. "You're really strong you know that. Right?" Taehyung reaches out to cup Jungkook's face, neither of them noticing how Jungkook didn't shy away from the touch. 

"I was always a shy kid... But my parents made it worse. I was just... So freaked out that everyone was going to hurt me. It was like every touch hurt. Which it might have, I had a lot of bruises... It's just, I couldn't do it." Jungkook sighs as the tears stop dripping from his eyes. Mostly relaxed now, at a point where his breathing is even. 

When Taehyung takes his hand away Jungkook finally noticed it was there in the first place. Noticing how it didn't hurt. Not that any touch recently hurt. But he was able to let Taehyung touch him without much of an issue. Maybe he just needed to open up... So he could move on.

"Thank's for telling me your story too..." Jungkook said with a smile. "And I'm sorry... For being... Difficult."

Taehyung shook his head. "No, don't be sorry. I understand now. Take your time, everyone else can wait."

Jungkook showed his bunny teeth as he held out his hand. "High five?"

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I'M DONE WITH QUALIFYING EXAMS YALL. If I passed and can keep having my tuition paid for is a different story that I'll find out in like 2 weeks... But anyway IM DONE WITH THEM. Hehe :D