"Go."
My lids remained closed through the exertion of my whisper. The erratic beating of my heart echoed throughout my thoracic cavity, traveling up the arteries in my neck until it reached the canals of my ears.
And yet, I couldn't have mistaken the stilled palm upon the very chest my buried emotions remained for her. The very ones stapled at the base of my tongue. Ones in which I strive to accommodate in accordance to the logic I knew had to endure, but the way she said my name made the difficulty greater than my dismal willpower.
My fingers trembled at the mere thought of watching her leave me. The one person who bulldozed into my routine life chaotically, filled with a youthful, pristine essence that only she could bear.
Depleted, I regained a struggling breath, feeling her as she moved away, leaving me last with the single touch of her lithe fingers disengaging with my own.
I watched her walk away from me, a lump lodged in my throat, threatening to escape with an unwilling anguish. I watched her get in the damned cab, the door slamming shut after she tucked her leg inside the vehicle.
"I love you, too," I breathed into the air before me. She couldn't hear me say the estranged syllables, but I knew that if she did, her desired future would conclude futile.
She'd stay if she heard them.
But she couldn't.
My feet cemented themselves on my property as the cab drove through the gates of a home whose warmth escaped along with the woman I wished to keep.
"Sir..."
My mind jolted awake, noticing the sun had shifted. I can't recall knowing how long I've been standing here. I turned silently, my gaze falling upon Giselle. "Yes."
Giselle cleared her throat, masking her unease poorly. "Lunch has been prepared. Where will you take it?"
My office, I wanted to say, but my images of her were too grand and the wounds I bore in my heart were too fresh.
The kitchen, my next choice, but her exhilarating laughter echoed through my fondest memories.
"Sir..."
I knew Giselle waited for my response, but my tongue felt heavy in my mouth and my chest was inflated with emotions I've yet to release.
"I'll take it in my office, Giselle, thank you."
For an instant moment our eyes locked and we had an understanding, Giselle and I.
Cassandra's warmth had not only caged me in, but my employees, as well. I was not solitary in the miss of Cassandra. I did not befriend my desolation on my own.
I had begun to walk away from my door when Giselle's hesitant call paused my unrushed steps. I turned to my housekeeper, knowing precisely where this will lead.
Giselle's mouth opened and closed in irresolute, but decided on shaking her head in finality. "I'll bring your food right up, sir."
I nodded bleakly, resuming my path towards my office. Upon entering, the scent of her perfume wafted in the air of my confined space. I closed my eyes with a pang in my temple.
The image of her touching the spines of the books on my shelves; Moving to my board as she observed my equations; Leaning upon my desk while I worked, enticing me with her crassness.
I miss her. It hasn't even been a day, but the hands on the clocks felt as if they've been struck with arthritis. I've grown too accustomed to her.
A knock in my door disrupted my thoughts, forcing me back to reality. I opened the door for Giselle as she balanced the tray in her hands, a tender smile on her face as she entered my office and placed the tray on my desk.
I nodded my thanks, and shut the door behind her.
I sat in my seat, pondered on the changes to come.
Back will be mundane days. No ruckus, no barges in my bathroom when I'm showering, nothing.
I sighed, my head on the headrest wishing for a moment of clearance.
Before I took notice of my rare impulsivity, I dialed on my phone, I heard it ring, I listened to the moment my call was picked up.
"Harry."
A moment paused between my resistance and my reply.
"Harry?"
"I'll do it."
Hanging the phone up, my chest jolted with...unfamiliarity.
'Otherwise you might just find that the best for me is going to be the worst for you.'
Hope.
'I want people in my life, Harry.'
Reasoning.
'Congratulations, Ms Berry; You're going to college.'
A possibility.
In an instantaneous minute I managed to secure a chance to see her again. Despite all logic telling me to stay away, despite all my weeks I have prepared myself for her departure, I crossed my one rule.
I allowed the whispers of my heart to win against the shouts of my logic.
And in my benevolence, I submitted my logic's loss.
