Chapter 85

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TW: Mentions of suicide.

I promised bi-daily updates so here you go! And on that pleasant note, get ready to find out the meaning of the title :)

Hands trembling, Auriga tore open the envelope, her new food forgotten at her feet. She would recognise that handwriting anywhere. It was her mother's.

Dearest Auriga,

Rest assured, it is only I that knows of your location. It took a particularly ancient tracking spell, that can only be used for the purest intentions. And it is these intentions that are my reason for writing.

The Dark Lord wants you dead. He believes it was you who warned the Order of their plan to ambush the move of Potter, and I am certain that he is right. You must not leave your safehouse, under any circumstances.

Your father told the Dark Lord of his encounter with you that night, and of how he let you go without harm. He was punished most severely for this, as you can imagine.

It was two months ago today that your father passed. He had taken a vile of a dark poison that we'd reserved as a weapon, and ended his life. I am sorry I could not deliver this news in person, but I cannot be missed too long at the Manor.

I will not contact you again. Draco is well and is at home. All my love,

Mother x

Auriga felt like the world was spinning, spinning fast and it would never stop. She clutched the letter to her chest as she slumped to the floor, bumping her head against the wall as she did. She sobbed, great, ugly, gasping sobs that would never stop.

Her father had died. And it was because of her. Because of his mercy, he had torn his life from his hands and left his family. And he would never come back. Because of Auriga.

She did not know how long she remained in the hallway of the cottage, only that her throat was sore when her sobs subsided, though her tears still poured. Her stomach felt contorted with pain, her heart shrivelled with grief. And she couldn't even be there for her mother, be there when she'd lost the man that she loved.

Auriga didn't know why or how the thought crossed her mind. All she knew was that there was only one person who could make this OK. Only one person she wanted - needed - to see. Still clutching her wand, and leaving the stolen food on the floor, Auriga left the cottage and set off at a sprint down Oakenmore Way, not stopping until she was sure she'd crossed the protective barriers.

She disapparated, landing on another country road. But instead of being enclosed by trees, she was exposed on a windy moor side. Auriga ran still, heading towards the tiny, rundown cottage that she could see up ahead.

She threw herself down the path, hammering on the door with her fist, her never-ending tears turning into small sobs. "Remus!" she cried, pounding on the door as though her heart and her life depended on it. Because in a sense, they did. "Remus!" she shouted again, louder this time. There was no answer. The possibility dawned on Auriga that he wasn't there. And then the possibility dawned that this house was being watched.

There was the breaking of a twig around the side of the house. Auriga swallowed the lump in her throat as her tears stopped and her palms became clammy. The biting November wind slipped under her hood, making goosebumps prickle on her neck.

Slowly, and cautiously, Auriga poked an eye around the corner of the building. There was no one there. All she could see was the moon. The full moon.

Auriga's stomach jolted and twisted, as she heard padding footsteps behind her. She turned around, slowly. There, not ten feet away from her, was a werewolf. It towered high above her, saliva dripping from its mouth as though it were ready for a feast.

"Remus," Auriga whispered, begging for some part of him to be left inside. But she knew it was no use. This creature was not Remus Lupin. "Stupefy!" she cried, sending a jet of red towards it.

The werewolf launched itself at her before the spell could hit, and Auriga toppled backwards, hitting her head sharply on the sodden ground. It didn't soften the blow. The werewolf pinned her down, its claws digging into her abdomen as she kicked and pushed at it. It snapped its jaws, determined to kill her, until its teeth found themselves buried deep into the flesh of her right shoulder.

Auriga was certain no one heard her scream as it tore away from her shoulder. It stung, feeling like irrecoverable pain, and she could feel it throbbing as blood poured out, mixing with the grass. "REDUCTO!" she screamed, unsure of where her wand was pointing.

By some miracle, it hit the werewolf, and it was thrown away twenty feet, landing on its back with a dog-like whimper. Auriga scrambled to her feet, ignoring the pain in her shoulder as she raised her wand. "ALOHAMORA!" Remus's front door flung open, and she threw herself through it, slamming it shut. "COLLOPORTUS!" she cried. The door locked with a faint click, as a body collided with it, making the walls shudder.

Auriga could hear the werewolf pounding on the door as she had. She listened from the floor, hot blood trickling down her arm, as the creature scratched at the door, desperately trying to get in.

The scratching stopped. Auriga heard as it sniffed below the doorframe, before its footsteps announced its departure. All that could be heard was the wind. The wind and Auriga's desperate breathlessness.

She pulled herself to her feet using her left arm and stepped into the kitchen. She began rooting through the cupboards with her uninjured arm, searching for something that surely any werewolf would have in their house. And there it was. Dittany and silver powder. Draco had told her about it when he'd first discovered his fear of werewolves and spent hours researching them. Werewolf bites were cursed, so the only way to stem the bleeding was dittany and silver powder.

She found a bowl and a spoon, and mixed a good dose of the two together, before taking a seat at the table. She applied it carefully with her fingers, gritting her teeth as she tried not to flinch. Her eyes watered from the pain of it, but after half an hour the remedy had worked, and the wound no longer bled. "Ferrula," she said quietly, using her wand to apply several layers of bandages onto her shoulder. Merlin, this was difficult to do with her left hand.

When she was finally done, Auriga allowed her head to rest against the table. She thought that perhaps now she'd understand why Remus hated himself so much. She could see it in his eyes the first few times they'd met. He'd never thought he was good enough. In fairness, she hadn't thought he was good enough. But that didn't mean he didn't deserve love.

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