A New Life for Better or Worse {¶ Sleepy Bois Inc. ¶}

Comfort Chapter for Myself

Hello. Author here, I'm going to be writing a story about me having a mental breakdown while my family comforts me. I'm sorry I know I should be writing other things but right now a lot of shit just went down and my family (online) helped me through it so I just need to do something please don't hate me for doing this, thank you. Hopefully a chapter will be out soon. 

TW: Self hate, Crumbling Mental State, Fight.

Lavender's POV ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

I let down my act as I crumpled down, leaning on my door as soon as I closed it. Quatro wasn't coming home for a while since she was doing some music shit with her clarinet. 

I had been let out from school early, before Mom got home, before anybody was home. I had gotten into house by the key we had hidden underneath this small ledge in the house wall, you had to actually climb up the brick to get it. I had forgotten to put it back but right now I didn't care.

I had gotten into a fight with another kid. Again. I had been hiding it from Mom and my grades had kept it a secret from her, I didn't want to bother her. Even though I knew she was good in psychology, hell she majored in it, I still didn't want to bother anybody. Nobody needed to be bothered by my own problems, nobody needed to be bothered by anything.

I usually was fine after fights but the kid had brought up something that I never really wanted to... to talk about. My mental state. They had insulted my family, then my friends, if my friends even were my friends, and then insulted my mental state and brought it up. I had kept cool when they had insulted me, but then they insulted my family, getting on my nerves. I had shot back with my words, not wanting to get into a fight but knowing it would happen no matter what.

But then they brought up my mental state. My mental state that was slowly going to shit, how I just wanted a break. They said that I was probably not going to live for another month, how I was probably going to... They said how my family would kick me out if they ever knew, how they would hate me forever. 

When I had swung the first punch in their face they knew they had hit a soft spot but that they had fucked up. It turned into me just beating up the kid, all of my rage and anger coming out. I knew I wasn't going to get away with this one, I knew that Mom would find out. And I was fucking paranoid. She would ask why I got into the fight, she would push on-

No. That wasn't Mom. But I was her kid it was different than the people she helped- No.

Lavender, Stop. 

Tears were streaming down my face and I knew it, not caring though. I knew that Doggo would come home first but she wouldn't bother to come into me and Quatro's room, as long as I stayed quiet with my sobbing. But it didn't seem like it was going to stop anytime soon. 

Doggo would be home in an hour or 30 minutes and my thoughts were stopping anytime soon.

What if what the kid had said was true? What if they were right? What if I should just throw myself out first? What if I should just-

No. No they wouldn't, be reasonable Lav-

But they fucking would. Nobody cares about you, nobody wants you. Mom wanted to throw you out the moment she saw you-

That's fucking fake, shut the fuck up Isabel. (Im sorry if your name is Isabel but that's what I named my social anxiety and shit.) 

But she's going to fucking hate you, they're all going to fucking hate you. Quatro saying that she would stick with you through everything? Bullshit. Mack saying that she would help you with anything, listen to anything, also a load of bull. Doggo was lying when she said that the two of you would help each other, Mom was fucking lying to you when she said she loves you. 

"Stop, stop please-" I sobbed out, voice breaking as the thoughts kept filling my mind, Isabel torturing me. (If your name is Isabel, again, I'm sure that you wouuld never do this to me <3) 

I didn't hear it when the door opened, when the footsteps came to a stop next to my room.

"Lav?" I heard Doggo's worried voice call out from behind the door.

Fuck.

"I-I'm fine its nothing-" I responded quickly, voice breaking again.

"Oh shit Lav are you ok? Are you hurt?" I stood up shakily and opened the door, seeing Doggo standing in front of me. I knew I looked a mess, I had a small limp but other than that I was fine. But she could still tell something was up, hell anybody could. The wall I built up was broken down.

She engulfed me in a hug, not even hesitating. I sobbed into her shoulder as I could feel her take out her phone and call Mom and everyone else, telling them it was an emergency.

I felt guilt weighing into my chest as Doggo sat me down on the couch downstairs, making me some coffee. 

I didn't want to talk about it, Doggo knew that and she didn't press on. The thing that worried me was how upset everyone would be once they got back. 

As Doggo put my coffee down in my hands she sat down next to me, not saying anything but turning on the TV and playing some of my favorite music. She knew that sad music wouldn't help right now so she turned on some of my favorite villain playlists, the small act making me want to cry again. I didn't have my knives on me, probably a good thing otherwise I would've probably killed someone. Or-

Don't think about that Lav, don't. 

Doggo cuddled to my side as the songs played and I sipped my coffee, the two of us waiting for the return of our family. 

Eventually, the door opened and all of my worst fears came crashing down on my once again, of course, only in my mind. 

What surprised me was when Mom ran towards me immediately coming to the side of me that didn't have Doggo cuddled up next to me and hugged me, pressing a kiss to my head. I wasn't ready for the amount of affection, hell I was ready for the worst things to happen, so when that happened I let out another sob and put my coffee down on the coffee table, hugging Mom back.

I sobbed for the second time that day, my streak of not crying for 3 months gone. Everybody came around, sitting on the couch and everybody cuddling, Doggo switching out with Quatro so she was next to me. Immediately she noticed the small things that others wouldn't, twin perks I guess. 

She noticed how I was sitting my leg carefully on top of the coffee table and knew that I most likely hurt it. She was the only one that had known I had gotten into fights, a lot of them, me not telling her but knowing that she would find out either way. She carefully hugged me as well, everybody else joining in on the hug as well.

Nobody said anything, only the sounds of Mom's relieved breaths, my sobs and the music filling the room. I didn't think anybody needed to say anything to realize what had happened. Everybody knew everyone was struggling with their mental states, and they quickly realized I had a breakdown. Only Quatro had figured out that a kid had probably somehow gotten underneath my skin, something that didn't happen to easily, and had gotten me to fight them. I was surprised she hadn't known earlier, from how quickly gossip spread in our school, but apparently nobody knew. 

The music fit our family, us being slightly weird with talking about taking over the government, Mom being an retired spy, all of us having a weird obsession with murder, weapons, and each of us specializing in one. 

But as we all hugged, everyone needing this moment, the music fit. It was a sweet moment even though the music was cruel like, it fit our family full of "odd" people, it fit the nice moment.

I felt safe.

A/N I needed that. Sorry, I'm fine now, honestly that helped a lot. I love you guys, I'm still feeling kinda shit and I need to catch up on the Techno stream I have playing in teh background but now muted so I could write and listen to music, I'm gonna have to watch that and deal with teh actual shit going on in my life.

I love you, thank you my family.