Legendary // H.S

36.

'Come as you are, as you were

As I want you to be

As a friend, as a friend

As an old enemy'

*

It's been five days since the shooting. 120 hours of impatiently waiting to see the outcome of my actions. I've occupied my mind as much as I can but there's only so much you can do to forget an event like that. While I've been busying myself with work in the shop, Joe has been left to heal on his own with no answers. Harry has tried to reassure me that he's doing fine, but until I see the damage for myself I can't believe him.

Joe is alive, though. That's what matters.

Harry had sent him to a friend that happened to be a doctor after the bullet had been removed. He explained that the person, Graham, was an old family friend that used to know his father. Probably the most he's actually spoken about his dad since I've known him. He could be trusted, and Joe was in safe hands. The next day Harry found out that Joe would heal fine, and we did the best thing removing the bullet from the wound. It was so dangerously close to the artery, if left in it could have easily punctured it and he would have bled out, as if the amount of blood that stained my floors wasn't enough to kill him. Harry took him home that day, making sure to update me if anything happened, but nothing did.

It's been silent, to a certain extent. The team have continued watching people, reporting back on their every move, but not much has been discovered yet. And Joe hasn't spoken about his involvement in this mess. That's something that can't be disputed. The more I think about it the more I understand why Harry was insistent on it the night I shot him. Joe is guilty, but of what I'm not so sure yet.

My time since the incident has been spent surrounded by people. Yet, I've never felt more alone. After the revelation about my friends, I've made sure to keep my distance. Cathy has tried and tried to talk to me, but I always cut it off with blunt responses and one word answers. How can I speak with her when I can't trust her? She's lost that right. Of course, it is possible that we're wrong about her, in which case I've hazed her out for no reason. I've believed the worst of someone I should know better than anyone. But these days, I barely even know myself.

It's no secret that I've become a different person in the months that I've known Harry. It would be odd if I hadn't changed, considering what was being asked of me. But I never expected it to happen like this. Not once have I found myself wishing to train how to fight, let alone almost kill someone. That's something you only think to happen in films or TV shows. You become so desensitised to violence after spending years watching it on the screen, that when you finally find yourself in the middle of it, it's like an out of body experience. You're watching it unfold, like a bystander, but you're the one actually inflicting it. You want to tell yourself to stop, but you can't, because all rationality has disappeared.

I don't feel at home in my own body anymore, but I have no way out.

For the team, it's been slow. Louis and Zayn have secured their roles needed for the robbery next month, due to start any day now and infiltrate the required areas so we can pull off this thing. It's a clever tactic, probably one that was too easy to think of, but I appreciate the steadiness of it. A much needed calm before the storm.

As for Harry, he's been outside my flat every day, just motoring the situation. At the start of the week, he would come in, we'd chat and have dinner. But after two days of it, he decided to stay outside. We exchanged a few words here and there, but something had flipped a switch inside of him and there was no longer a desire to be near me, only to watch over me. I think he wants to make sure he's not distracted. He wants to be on the top of his game in case anything happens. Even though there are two armed men watching me every day on his orders, he still insists and being there too.